1000 Ways to Burn and Die
by Miko A. Kimura
Summary: You just don't realize how much I loved you, and how much I longed for you to be mine. But that doesn't matter anymore. You see brother; there maybe be one way to live, but there are a thousand ways to burn and die. /RinxLen and LenxMiku/
1. Bloody Letters

**Disclaimer: I do not own vocaloid. Let this go for the rest of the story.**

**Please read in 1/2 for best results.  
**

* * *

_'2/14_

_Hey, Journal,_

_You're the only one I can talk to anymore. I tried talking to others- others that used to be friends and used to be close to me- but even that's becoming a chore. It actually hurts worse to talk to people than it is to stay concluded in my own stone-cold comfort. It hurts, that's all that I can say. I know that it's supposed to be emotions, but sometimes I actually wonder. It feels like my heart has actually shattered. And every time I see them together, a strange mix or rage and sorrow runs through my body, and eventually leaves me on my knees, clutching my constricting chest._

_And It all started with one dream one year when I reached the age of fifteen._

_I started to feel some strange attractions to a family member. I thought it was just normal sibling love. I thought that is was just being caring, since me and my brother get along all the time. But when I had a dream one night, I couldn't help but shudder at the thought. It became more... graphic... and it's just-'_

A sigh escaped my lips. What was I to do, exactly? Again, I was locked in my room- a habit of mine that had quickly worried the others- as sorrow took hold my my chest. The sorrow that was a bone-crushing python, ready to swallow me once my life was gone. I tore the paper out of my journal, and threw it. I knew it landed, but I could care less if it landed in the overflowing basket of fellow crumpled, failed journal entries I tried to vent from. Once again my pencil, now dull from constant use, decided to write.

_'The date doesn't matter anymore, even if this was the date that expressed a person's love. You know as well as I do that it's that certain day... Valentine's Day...'_

It seemed so right, writing directly to the source of my misery. My knuckles might as well been completely white the way I held the pencil.

_'I honestly wish I could tell you. I've been trying to tell you for so long, but I could never truly begin to form the words every time I actually have the perfect moment. Because I never knew how to tell you. I never knew how to express my words out to you without the fear of you leaving me, or the fear of you not understanding. But if I don't tell you soon, I feel like I'll just keep suffocating..._

_I am terrified now. I've been in love with you since I was fifteen, Len. Of course, you didn't realize. Instead, you sent those looks of love to your own crush, Miku Hatsune. Even with the green envy rushing through me, I understand why you loved her. I was not even thought of in your mind, being related by blood and all. But, you just don't understand how I feel, my dear brother. You just don't realize how much I loved you, and how much I longed for you to be mine. But that doesn't matter anymore._

_You see brother; there maybe be one way to live, but there are a thousand ways to burn and die. _

_Every time you look in her direction, my heart slows dangerously. When you grab her hand, I can feel the blood in my veins run dangerously cold. When your lips touch her soft, pink ones, My chest constricts with pain that can only be described as rib-crushing. And when I see you gone at night, only to see you walk home with that sickening love-blind gaze and that remainder of lipstick on your cheek, when you walk around me in love, it just makes me shake and lose control over my own will to even survive. And the worst part is? I have to run and hide. I have to run and hide behind a mask of a smiling me. At school, at home, around anyone. The only time I can actually break down and vent is when I end up locking myself in my room. And even then, I can never cry it all away. I can only cry myself to sleep- where my dreams haunt me further._

_And I want to end it all. Truly, is it wrong to end it with my own hands? But I don't want to disappear from your lives, because you'll only mourn over me. That, and I'm afraid to die. I'm too weak to live, but too afraid to die. So what can I do but just sit here while you all watch me burn? Brother, I'll try to continue, for your sake. But, all I ever wanted in life was to be loved in return. So, until I can stop being weak- until I can stand on legs of my own- please, understand how much I love you. I love you more than a sister possibly could._

_That girl you hold? I wish that was me._

_The girl you kiss? I wish that was me._

_The girl who hides in her room and from the world? I wish I wasn't her._

_So happy Valentine's Day, my dear brother.'_

Slowly, the remainder of my pencil fell to the floor as the warm tears that rushed down my face continued to fall, not that I really cared anymore. I only felt fatigue rush over my body after the misery that vanished. But unlike those nights before me, I could not cry myself to sleep. Not this time. So I did what I felt I could do at this time during the moonlight. I walked down the stairs before me before walking out the door of the house. Right now, a coat was not important to me.

In fact, the cold actually felt good at this moment. It was somewhat comforting. And as the chilling air brushed past me during this night, with the moon being covered behind the clouds, I could only think back to those first few days that started my one thousand ways to burn a die...

* * *

**Woot! New Fanfiction! Lets just hope I can continue with this one. I promise this one will be better, but I promise it might and will take longer to update. I want to make sure this one is good.**

**~Miko**


	2. When the Nightmare Began

_And as the bell tolls, signaling the time of midnight, I start to remember how this all started. I remember how desperately and blindly in love I was. I also start to see how blind I was to the coming heartbreak... and how much rage I felt at the newcomer. It was unhuman._

* * *

As the bell rings, a certain blonde girl's eyes found themselves scanning the surrounding school yard in hopes for a certain someone to appear. For the past few days, she'd find herself looking for him, thinking about him, and daydreaming about him. And when he was around, she'd always smile. And when he was holding her hand, all she could ever think about was how she just invented a new shade of red. And after two years of this strange situation, she finally figured out what was going on. You see, this certain girl realized that she was in love with this certain boy.

This certain boy was named Len Kagamine. And there was only one problem with this perfect love story.

That certain girl you're hearing about? Her name is Rin Kagamine. As in related- by blood. Siblings. _Twins_.

And that's where her eyes traveled as she walked. To her blood twin- Len. And where was he now? He was no where short of his group of friends including the aqua-haired guy Mikuo, the redhead Ted, and even the senior Kaito was in his group. Rin's legs slowly found themselves running, leading her towards her target. And what started with a running head start ended in with two blondes on the floor in as a result of a tackle.

"Rin, get your fat ass_ off me_!" The annoyed male grumbled at his sister. She stuck his tongue out at him.

"Nice to see you too, dear brother," she teased, before getting off him. With a groan, the male found his way back onto his feet while the group of friends couldn't help but laugh at his demise. A nice shade of red found its way to his cheeks from the embarrassment.

"Shut it," he spoke with a punch to Mikuo's shoulder. After all, he was the one that started the group laughter. But it was Rin who grabbed Len.

"Come on~" she started, tugging her twins arm. "Mom's gonna kill us if I'm not on time for piano practice,"

"Alright, fine," he grumbled, letting the sister of his drag him. And away they went, as they did every Tuesday and Thursday, to the buses. And from there, those same vehicles would transport them to a dear friend and tutor of the family, Luka.

* * *

**Rin's P.O.V**

Well, this was just strange. Kind of unwanted, but mostly just plain strange. Sure, everyone uses the buses when they get off from school, but this is just ridiculous. It seemed that everyone on the entire planet was here!

"Does everyone in Japan ride this bus?" I groaned. All these extra people made it completely cramped and warm in here. Not to mention, I had to squeeze next to my brother. Yes, it was completely annoying, and quite uncomfortable. I tried to hide it, tried to keep a blush from forming, but it doesn't help that we were in each other's personal space, basically pressing against each other. That, and that I've finally figured out a rather disturbing thought... I found out I was finally in love with him.

Sure, I was really close to him when we were little. And I don't know how, but all I know is that my fondness of him grew. Well, I didn't realize it until I started having dreams about him, and it just grew more detailed over time. Then it led to small blushes by the time we entered High School as freshmen. Sure, I didn't understand it completely, but it caught my attention that something might not be normal here. I mean, he was my brother. But it still bugged me, the way some of my friends kept saying they were in love, and how their reactions seemed more than similar to my own.

And it became worse when the dreams became more graphic.

"Rin, I doubt a hundred million people could fit on one bus," he smirked, interrupting my thoughts. I hated when he did that- being so technical. But the girl inside me melted seeing that smirk. Sure, he was a shouta sometimes, but that smirk just shouted smexy. That's when his face changed. "Rin, are you okay? Are you getting sick?"

Caught. I could have sworn... Darn it! Quickly, I tried to avoid his questioning gaze. The floor seemed much more interesting than him right now, to be perfectly honest. It took me a second, but I had to make sure my voice was smooth and even. But it was almost like trying to sound normal after crying. It's really hard, I can tell you that. "I'm f-fine,"

I'm sure God was looking out for me at that one moment. Slowly the bus stopped in a neighborhood that was truly familiar, announcing our arrival. "We're here," spoke my brother in a monotone voice. He could be such a downer sometimes, honestly. Sure, he had to sit and do nothing but watch his sister play the piano for a good hour, but at least he wasn't in that stuffy house of ours all day.

"Finally," I spoke, stretching my arms up above my head once we were out of the deathtrap. "Out of those people-infected buses," And it was nice, not having to be scrunched up. But Len only shook his head.

"You complain about everything, don't you?" He asked me. I huffed.

"Not everything. Only about what's important?" My ears strained. "What is it you said?" I glared at him childishly.

"Nothing, nothing,"

"I don't believe you," I smacked the back of his head. His eyes quickly went to mine, giving that shouta-puppy eyes I just melt into. Something started to stir in my stomach, like butterflies, as cheesy as that sounds.

"That really hurt," he pouted, rubbing the bump on the back of his head.

"Well, that's what you get," I stuck my tongue out at him once again today. Rin 2. Len 0.

And it seemed like I was the victor. At least, until the door of my piano teacher and best friend's house smacked into my face. I tumbled backwards, onto my rear. Then there was the soprano voice that was the source of my demise. Rin 0. Door 1.

"Are you okay?" that high voice asked me. "Oh my Gosh I am so sorry!" I felt her cool hands on my shoulders as I looked up. There she was. Her eyes aqua, the same color as her twin-tails. She was definitely one of those girls who'd be popular- well known for their beauty. I grumbled. Of course she did it on purpose for some reason that I'd think of later in life and not right now, but I didn't say that.

"I'm fine," I grumbled, getting up with the help of the newcomer.

"Sorry about that," She spoke after I managed to recover from karma. "My name's Miku, by the way,"

"Rin," I still held a grudge against Mik- I mean, Karma.

"Be nice," I heard the hot brother behind me speak to me. But really, did he have to elbow my side too? Did he not see I just got hit by a door? He took Miku's hand, and smiled. "I'm Len,"

She nodded, smiling. At least, until she glanced at the clock on her wrist. "Oh dear! I have to go home! I'll see you all later!" she cheered, before dashing off in a hurry. And after walking in the door, I've come to realize something. I was bothered- a bit angered, you see. Sure, Miku already got on my nerves with her soprano voice and her cheerful, goody-goody nature, but that wasn't the cause. It was the reaction of her being- my brother had those eyes glued onto his face that only meant one thing.

He had a fucking crush on her. Already. I guess that's what love at first sight was.

But when I looked into his eyes, it was back to the usual bored expression at the thought of being here with nothing to do. I shook my head. My brother wasn't the kind to believe in love at first sight. It was my imagination! That's all. I must have been imagining all of that love-struck daze in his eyes...

"Um, are you coming in, or are you just going to stand there?" The woman in the doorway asked sarcastically. She even added the eye roll.

"Yeah, coming Luka!" I said, trying to will the soft shade of pink away from my face.

* * *

**Len's P.O.V**

"Rin, you lazy bum, get your ass out of bed already!" I grabbed the sleeping figure of my sister and tried to shake her awake. If you didn't know better, you would have thought she was dead. I heard her grumble her reply with her head now under the pillows.

"What time is it?" that response, I could barely make it out. Being muffled and all.

"It's around six-thirty. Now get up,"

"If it's not Saturday, leave me alone," I shook my head. I may be younger, but I sure acted like the older one around here.

"Come on. You know school is waiting for us," I tried to grab her legs, dragging her out of bed. But what I got was a older twin who continued to lay in bed, unmoving. "Rin, if you keep this up, I'll bury all of your oranges,"

"You wouldn't!" That got her. Her body flung up from its place under the covers until she was perfectly sitting upwards. Her face glared at mine. Our staring contest begun.

"I would," I tried my best to smile evilly. "And all the orange juice would go down the toilet,"

I heard her huff. "If you did, I'd make sure all the bananas you held dear would go to waste in the ground," I glared at her, but I knew she'd take that threat seriously. When didn't she take a threat seriously?

"Just get changed and be down in a half hour. Any later, and say goodbye to the oranges," I spoke before heading down the stairs.

**Rin P.O.V**

A blush was heating up my face as Len left the room. I tried to avoid any thoughts of my brother during the argument, but it only came back with a vengeance. He was already half dressed, only missing his shirt. His chest had small muscles and was lightly toned, just enough to get rid of his shouta title... oh dear Lord how that tortured me. I shook my head, getting up and heading into my connected bathroom, trying to shake the thoughts out of my brain.

"Bad Rin. Bad," I grumbled to my reflection in the mirror. "You know this is unwanted. Now stop it," The reflection could only stare back as she changed from her nightgown to the school clothes she was to wear today.

"Are you sure it is unwanted?" the reflection- the small voice in her head- seemed to ask. Rin talking to herself in the mirror was nothing strange. Neither was Rin narrating in third person.

I was quick to respond with a shake of my head. "He's my brother. It would be sick and wrong to love him like this," It could only smile- a smile that showed a person with an idea.

"Sure, he's your brother, but is it truly unwanted?" Reflection Rin tried to whisper in my ear. I felt a shiver run down my spine, sending butterflies down my stomach and the beat of my heart to rush. "You know you want him,"

I tried to shake my head once more. "Bad Rin," I tried repeating once more, my blue eyes shut. A few seconds passed without another word spoken from that little voice I had been trying to fight since the very beginning. Warily, I opened my eyes, only seeing the reflection copy my every move. But that conflicting voice did have a point. And no matter how much I wanted to ignore it. No matter how much I wanted to run and hide, I couldn't. Because I knew the truth. I really wanted him to be mine, more than I could possibly want anything else.

I need to find a shrink before I go completely insane.

* * *

Quickly my small legs rushed down the stairs as fast as I could, hoping I didn't take too long. While I was busy talking to myself about my smexy brother, time seemed to fly by me out the window. I ran into our kitchen/dinning area, huffing from the flight down the stairs.

"That was close," I spoke, glancing at the clock on the kitchen stove. 6:57 it read. Len smiled.

"For a moment, I thought all the oranges would vanish," He said sarcastically.

"Grr," I growled at him, grabbing my orange from the counter. How tempted I was to hide it away from him, barking Mine! at him, but that wouldn't help the situation. Instead, I plopped down on our couch, turning on the T.V. and munched into my now-peeled orange.

* * *

There she was again, in front of us. That aqua-haired girl that headed slammed the door in my face that I still have yet to find a reason to.

Let me explain. My brother and I were heading down the street to the bus stop that led us to school in a half-hour ride. While he was whistling to some song, Spice! I believe it was, I was trying not to stare at him and smile like an idiot. Trust me, it's hard to do. That, and the one time I did I couldn't stop blushing after I was caught. Talk about awkward.

However, it became less of a chore once she stepped in the picture. Miku easily spotted us from the crowd, and bounced our way. Really, she looked like a puppy the way she greeted us.

"Hey Rin! Hey Len!" She smiled.

"Hey Miku," We said at once. Whoever said that twins didn't have a connection, well, they must be plain stupid.

"Um, I really am sorry about the door incident," She mumbled, her head bowed. "Gomen," I looked at her, almost trying to study her. For once, (alright, a lot of times,) she seemed sincere. Almost reminded me of my good friend Luka. Oh well. Forgive and forget, right?

"It's okay," I said after much consideration. My eyes wondered over to my brother, but it was the wrong choice. I saw that love-y gaze, ever so small but present, in his eyes as he looked at Miku.

* * *

Class is so damn boring! I mean really. What is a girl supposed to do in math anyway? Alright, let me rephrase that question. What was Rin Kagamine supposed to do in math? My phone was whipped out in my lap, my fingers typing away. It was lucky I sat in the back of the classroom, or else I'd be caught. I don't text that much, so don't judge me. I'm no Neru. But one question bugged me most.

_To: Miku Hatsune_

_Subject: Re:No Subject_

_Message: How the hell did you get my phone number, Miku?_

Alright, so we've been through the first three classes together. Spent some time together, seeing how her seat was conveniently next to mine. What was fate trying to do anyway? Set us up as best friends? Well, I wouldn't be surprised. We just met after all, and we just clicked. So far, I've learned that she was a new student, moved here a month ago. And there was something about her that I could trust. I felt safe around her. And I forgot about that morning's incident.

Who knew grumpy Rin and Goody Miku could be friends so quickly? The phone in my hands buzzed silently, begging for my attention. I glanced at the message given to me.

_To: Rin Kagamine_

_Subject: Leeks_

_Message: Teto-chan gave it to me. Besides, you and I still have some gossip to catch on. You know Meiko, the senior? Well, I've found out who she likes. It's Kaito~_

I smiled at the sudden chat she brought up. Way better than any Algebra.

_To: Miku Hatsune_

_Subject: Gossip_

_Message: And here I thought gossip was a bad thing. Miku doing bad? Never thought I'd see the day. Oh~ That is some good news._

We knew where this was going. A good secret sharing at lunch.

_To: Rin Kagamine_

_Subject: More Leeks_

_Message: Gossip isn't bad if you're telling the truth! So, who do you like, Rinny?_

My face hit red instantly. All my hope went towards the fact that Miku didn't notice the red that crawled on my face. I scowled on the inside, cursing myself for thinking of a certain someone right away. My fingers buzzed on my phone keyboard.

_To: Miku Hatsune_

_Subject: No Subject_

_Message: I don't like anyone._

The phone got a reply sooner than I hoped.

_To: Rin Kagamine_

_Subject: Crush_

_Message: Oh come on Rinny! I saw that blush. So who's the lucky guy? You gotta tell me!_

I sighed, thinking of a reply that might save my life. Maybe I could tell her I was shocked by the question? No, that was something every girl was asked sometime during high school. So what did I tell her? Nothing, actually. Nice enough for me, the bell just saved my ass. I got up, packing up my stuff in one hell of a hurry, but not before Miku skipped over to me.

"So~ Who's the lucky guy?" she echoed what she asked in her text. Her pestering wasn't that annoying, to be honest. It was just unwanted; like my fantasies of Len. "Please tell me?"

I shook my head, looking at her. By now, we were walking past our lockers on our way to the secret lunch table my group sat at. Aright, so it wasn't secret. Everyone knew we sat outside under the large oak tree. But it's still exclusive. Gotta be Rin's friend.

"I don't like anyone," I tried to lie. Miku didn't buy it, even as we sat down to enjoy our lunch hour.

"Come oooonn," she pressed further, trying to get as much information as she could. Slowly I unpacked my lunch, as she did hers. "Is he cute?"

I thought about it, sighing. She wasn't going to take no for an answer, was she? Apparently not. Reluctantly, I shrugged and nodded. Miku's response was a squeal.

"Is he sexy?"

I felt like my whole face burst into flames. The moment she asked, I could feel my mind going to those dreams, and his nice chest after seeing his shirtless. Oh dear! Bad Rin! But footsteps interrupted the whole session. Finally; about time. My good friend Meiko and Teto sat down next to us, smiling. I glared at Teto, imediately getting to some unfinished business (and changing to another subject).

"Teto, did you give Miku here my cell number?" I continued to stare her down. And of course, she cracked within a few seconds. I may not be Meiko, being known for her strength and temper, but I could sure pass as a threat.

"She asked to look at my phone," she started out, trying to avoid my eyes. "And she copied down your number,"

Then my attention turned to Miku, who shrugged while eating one of her favored leeks. "Hey, there was no harm done!"

No harm my ass.

* * *

Sad day for me. Miku wasn't in my last classes, but I guess that was okay. Not even fate could fit her in all my classes, no matter how hard it tried. But that wasn't my main worry right now. What was my main worry? Well, it's the same thing I do every day after school. Find some excuse to find my crush/brother as fast as I possibly can, find some excuse to be alone with him, and try not to tackle-and-rape him. No matter how much I wanted that last part...

I could feel my eyes strain to see my brother as I walked through the crowd of students eager to leave the school grounds for the weekend. But he wasn't where he usually waited. Strange... Slowly, I made my way around campus, trying to find the one I usually catch up to right now. It grew easier to focus as the millions of people left, but I still didn't find Len.

My stomach turned. Was something wrong with him? No, surely he was fine. He's never been sick before, and he'd never had a reason to get into a fight. So why did I have this strange feeling something was wrong? That voice screamed in my head to stop looking and go on home without him.

_Please! Please just go home!_

I shook my head, too stubborn to give up. I couldn't understand why I wanted to go home alone all of a sudden. I didn't expect anything, really. But more importantly, I never expected anything like what I found. By the lockers- that's where my heart shattered into millions of pieces. By the lockers is where I felt my world turn upside down, despite any of my own warnings. By the lockers is where fate decided to reveal its true nature, and why it set Miku and I up. By the lockers, by her locker, I found Len.

Len held the aqua-haired girl close to him. His hands roamed from her hips to behind her back. Miku- she hand one hand against his fine chest, while the other ran through his silky blonde hair. Their lips were together in such a way that made my stomach want to empty every single bit of its contents that it held. I could tell their tongues were dancing, and saliva hung from the sides of their mouth. The way they were trying to meld into one...

My brother was making out with that... whore...

The book in my arms dropped down to the floor as my mind went numb. I didn't know what I was doing, or where I was headed, but I ran. I ran and ran, trying to get as far away from them as possible.

"Rin!" I heard my named being called out by my brother.

But I didn't want to be anywhere near them. Not when my heart just shattered.

My destination was finally registered when I closed the door to the girl's bathroom and just sat there on the cold tile. My hands held my throat. I couldn't breathe. My chest, all I knew was that it hurts. It hurt, and I couldn't breathe. Every intake of breath was interrupted by the hiccup of a sob or the cough of choking. Warm liquid ran down my cheeks, never stopping. Never ending. The blood that ran through my body? It was no longer warm liquid, but cold needles.

Ever had your heart broken? It feels like someone took a hammer, and started striking your chest over and over again. It may be an emotion- love- but it hurts as if it was a physical organ. And you can't breathe. You can't breathe, because your lifeline was cut from you. You can't breathe, because your brain just stops functioning. And all you can feel is that pain that chokes you so.

I felt weak at that moment. I felt like giving up everything I had. My arms, my legs, my head, it all lie limply against the wall not before long. It all hurt; it all hurt as if someone had stabbed be with a knife. I knew I couldn't love my brother, but this wasn't anything I ever expected. My tears continued to blur my vision until things started to become black. But that didn't bother me. All I cared about was that image that was forever burned in my vision. The slut that I thought was my friend only hours ago, making out with the one that I loved... Len completely crushed me.

No. Miku completely crushed me. She stepped on every being of me. She betrayed everything I was...

_There are a thousand ways to burn and die, my dear brother. Suffocation. Drowning. Shattering. Feeling no Purpose. Feeling no Love. Glass Shards. Burning. Being eaten alive. Acid. And Slowly Dying, with no relief..._

_

* * *

_**Dang... well, this chapter was harsh. And it took forever, no less. I'm sorry if there are any mistakes. I tried to check over them all, trying not to be rushed, but this chapter ended up so long! I hope you guys love the effort I put into this.**

**~Miko**

**Disclaimer: I am paranoid. Please, do not attempt any suicide attempts at the mention of any ideas. I repeat, DO NOT attempt suicide in the ways I have described. I will not be held accountable.  
**


	3. Scream Until Your Blood Runs Cold

**IMPORTANT!**: **I have very important news at the bottom of the story. Please read, and actually respond. This way, the fanfic won't die.**

* * *

**Rin's POV**

_All I ever truly wanted was you._

My room was empty and locked. The only presence on the inside was nothing less but the form of a girl, crying in her bed, screaming from the pain of constantly being abused. Yes, I was that girl, laying on my stomach and screaming into my pillow until the pain dulled. But even as my throat became stretched and my voice started to fade, the hurt didn't dull. No, it never subsided. Instead, when I thought my screams finally washed out all the poison from my heart, it only came crashing back like a wave in a thunderstorm, over and over and over again. Each time the wave of pain came crashing into the shore of my heart and my soul, I screamed and cried into the pillow of mine. And every time it subsided, I managed to get a sharp intake of breath before breaking into more tears and more screams.

_Brother, I loved you. I still love you. I could never hate you_.

In this short time, I managed to walk myself home without getting lost in my tears. I managed to ignore and keep out the world that quite literally banged on my door, begging me to come out and talk. I managed to cry and scream and do nothing more but waste and wash away all my fatigue. I managed to waste away all of the energy I held in my body until I only had the strength to lay in my bed with my eyes closed. I couldn't even cry anymore; my eyes were probably red and dry as hell, but that didn't matter. So I limply lay in bed, trying to close myself out from the outside world.

And only then was I able to drift off into sleep, where the dreams of that burned memory only ruined my soul even further. And when my dreams ran out of the strength and endurance to bother my heart for the remainder of my sleep, only then was I able to find the black, unconscious sleep that my body needed.

* * *

_My body slowly slid downwards as I helplessly wail at the glass in my heart. My arms, my head, my legs, they all lay limply against the cold tile of the girl's bathroom. The tears- they wouldn't stop coming. All I thought about was why Miku or Len would possibly do such a thing. Then I remembered. He wasn't exactly mine anymore. He wasn't mine to begin with... He was never mine._

_That brought nothing but more agony. Nothing but salt on the wound. It should of helped clean out this poison, but it only made it worse. And I hated it. I closed my eyes as the sobs escaped my weak body in small hiccups. There was nothing I could do now._

_I heard the door open, but I didn't care to see who it was. I didn't care about what they were saying anymore. Right now, I wanted to drown in my own sorrow and self-pity. Well, I guess I don't even get that now, huh? Nothing but Hell._

* * *

_Knock, Knock._

"Come on, Rinny," I could only recognize this as my mom's voice trying to coo me; but instead, it woke me up from my own comfort and haven- dreamless slumber. "Rinny, please come down soon,"

But I closed my eyes, ignoring her wish, only wanting to sleep more. I lost the battle when rest was avoiding my plea. Getting up from the bed I lie limply on and slowly making my way to the mirror, I struggled. Ever stayed up for days on end, to the point you don't know if your own legs will hold you up? To the point you become dizzy and disoriented? That was basically it- my legs and mind were drained from my screeches and hopeless sobs. My arms lay weakly against the counter in the bathroom, trying to support my body. What I saw shocked the small bit of my mind that still clasped on to emotion.

My blonde hair was messy, full of tangles and knots; not to mention wet from all the tears on my pillow. The cheeks and the areas around my eyes had become completely flushed, and my eyes were exactly what my prediction called for- dry, red, and puffy. Sighing, I picked up the brush and started to weakly run the bristles through my shoulder-length, messy hair. In this mood, I could care less how I looked. But for my parent's sake, I had to look normal; I didn't want them to worry about their daughter. And I didn't want Len to be bothered by me, either. I didn't want him to feel bad about anything that happened.

My hand reached down as the water filled up the sink slowly. I stared at the refreshing liquid cupped in my hands, revealing just another reflection of me. But, oh, when the cold water found its way onto my face, it felt so refreshing; it was almost rejuvenating. The dryness in my eyes soon washed away as if the crying never took it away. Looking up in the mirror, I was happier to see that I looked better. I even looked better than I felt, which was nothing short of crap. Emotionless, too-tired-to-cry-or-care crap.

Water was probably the best thing for me right now. As the clear liquid ran down the shower head that I recently turned on, I shed off the dirty clothes that remained on me from before. I stepped in, closing the shower door close behind me. It was purely nice, getting my mind off the important things and just relaxing. It was also nice, feeling the fresh, cool, clean water fall on me in a mist, washing away any of the gunk and grime that remained on my face and body. Now if only it had the same magical properties to wash the acid off my heart...

With new clothes on and hair washed, I felt refreshed. No longer was I completely tired, and I could actually _move_. And I actually smiled; but to be perfectly honest, I wasn't sure if it truly reached me. I didn't know if I actually felt happy, no so soon after something like Miku happened. Miku... the mention of her name... I felt tears form at the edges of my eyes.

I shook my head, willing the urge to cry away.. There was no way I was going to let myself weep over this again. The last thing I wanted was to feel weak and fatigued like I was earlier. I'm sure it wasn't healthy. So with sudden confidence and unknown reason, I stepped down the stairs, hiding behind my newly made smiling mask.

* * *

"So how was school today?" mother asked us, as usual during dinner time. We sat around the small table, Mother and Father at the ends, with Len and I sitting as if we were facing each other. But right now, I picked at my warm food. I didn't want to look at my brother. I didn't want to look into those eyes of his and see those tainted lips. I knew I'd just burst into tears if I dared to look up. Just thinking about it made the acid in my heart burn for the second time today; water tried to spill over the rims of my eyes.

"It was fine," Len spoke, nonchalantly. It was so irritating how he could just act so calm and smooth after what had happened, while I had to sit here and suffer new, vengeful pain. But when mother's eyes looked up at me, I smiled at her and nodded, agreeing with Len. But if I spoke, I knew my disguise would just crumble away.

Her eyebrow raised in slight confusion. "Just fine? Did anything happen at school?"

"Nothing... really," I said, trying so hard to keep my mind off the situation- to keep the tears from forming in my blue eyes. Maybe if we could just change to a different subject, then maybe I wouldn't have to think of that horrible thing. Then I'd be fine. But that constant reminder in front of me was making it hard. Before they could ask anymore questions to me, I took a bite of the food on the plate in front of me. Sure, I felt sick, but I needed them to stop.

But Fate was against God right now. I could hear the phone ring from his pocket, and I could only guess who it was. I really hoped for Mikuo or maybe even Kaito, but, that wasn't going to be the case. How I knew? The moment he saw the stupid phone number, his eyes brightened as it did earlier that day. And when he answered...

"Oh, hey Miku~" it was sickening and hurtful the way he just spoke her name... with a smooth and sweet caramel tone. I tried to ignore him, staring at my food. But the food stared back at me, and I knew then if I even tried to eat it, it wouldn't stay down. So I had nowhere to go but Len's_ 'Oh so interesting' _conversation.

"I'm sorry, I'm at dinner right now," silence. It so killed me. "Alright, night Miku," he smiled as he shut the phone. I turned to mother, trying to find comfort in another face. What I saw, it hurt me even worse. She was smiling almost as much as Len was; and when I turned to father, I saw a smirk on his face. My chest started to contract and squeeze together.

"Oh, does my Lenny have a girlfriend~?" Mother cooed, giving my twin a blush. Of course the family should be happy, so I smiled. They'd never know how sharp those words could ever be to me. They'd never know how much rage and pain were hidden in those words...

"Mom," he glared her down through the embarrassment of it all. But that was enough for me. I stood up from my chair, knowing that my mask was far gone. My face was down, trying to let the bangs cover my face. My arms were in fists, resting against the table; they were the only things keeping me at the table, instead of running or falling to the ground. Those waves came rushing back...

"Please, I need to be excused from the table," and left. I ran up to my room, slamming the door and falling down on my bed. Those tears, I let them flow freely now that no one was present. Those same waves from earlier, I lied. They weren't back. This pain- they weren't waves at all. It wasn't poison or acid on my heart either. Every time a sob escaped my lips this time, the pain came back in tsunamis. My heart started to melt in what would be the physical form of pure torture. It wasn't long until I felt a hand run through my hair.

"Rin, what's wrong?" It was none other but Len's voice. My first reaction, my only true reaction, was to flinch away.

"Go away," I yelled, slapping his hand away. I didn't want him here. When he was here, all I could remember was him kissing my old friend by the lockers. Fresh tears would not stop falling like waterfalls down my face. Those tsunamis and torture pains I told you about? It becomes worse when he's here.

I couldn't look at his face, but I could tell he had that determined and thoughtful look on his face. "Not until you tell me what in the world is going on, Rin-chan,"

"I said **get out!**" I screamed at him, taking the closest thing in my possession and throwing it in his direction. There was silence when Len's presence moved away from mine. But that wasn't the end of it- no where near. He got closer, his hand rubbing my back.

"I know something's wrong, now tell me. Please," I rolled over, until I hit the very edge of the bed. His touch, it was relaxing- and it burned.

"Please, just go away," I screamed, once again losing the strength to continue. I knew I looked pathetic, and seemed pathetic, but right now I didn't care. I wanted the source of my misery to leave. And once again quiescence filled the room. One minute... two... until the sound of the door closed and, breaking the silence, told me he was gone. Tears continued to fall down my eyes as I screamed into the pillow.

"I hate him!" my voice echoed, muffled in the soft fluff. But even as I screeched into my pillow over and over again- "I hate him..."- it didn't ease the agony that my heart suffered. I wanted so badly to hate him. He crushed me, every being of me. I knew that wasn't true, though. I loved him. I loved him so much. I didn't care if he was only my brother. I fucking loved him!

"Why do you have to be so cruel?" I cried out to whatever high power lay in the heavens, lying on my back and staring up into the ceiling.

* * *

I sighed heavily as the phone rang once more. If Len couldn't talk to me in person, he'd spam me with his phone until I answered. I knew he was worried about me, but I couldn't find it in my heart to care whether he acknowledged me or not. And as the ring tone of Love is War continued to play, I battled my inner voice. Should I pick it up, or should I just ignore the world as I did before? I felt my hand reach towards the metal device...

"Hello?" I asked with my voice dulled- so faded and sore. I wondered if they could even hear me.

"_Rin?" _That was voice was one I could trust, I knew; not the person I thought it was going to be. I shot up out of the bed I had been laying on for hours on end, trying to fight the dreams that ruined my heart and my sleep.

"Luka?" Of course it was her, but it's just one of those things. "Why are you calling...?" I glanced at the clock, wondering if it was really late, or just early. I guess it depends. I'm saying it's early, at nine at night.

"_Rinny, are you okay?"_ Why did everyone I know adopt that nickname? _"I've been hearing something is going on. Is everything alright?"_

She was always motherly towards me, that pinkette of mine. She was actually someone who could calm me down in such situations as of this. I wanted to tell her so bad that I was fine, as I do with everyone else, but I could only crack. Fresh tears fell down the same path as dried ones from only a few hours before.

"No. Nothing's alright," I cried into the phone. I could hear soft shushing on the other side.

"_Care to tell me?"_

How the hell could I tell her about this sin? I was afraid to tell her how I felt, but I couldn't lie to her either. Sure, I was pretty good at my lies, but this just wasn't someone I could lie to. Luka, she was the kind of person who you could lie to, but you'd literally be sick with guilt if you did. I thought for a moment, struggling to breath through my sobs.

"I... Luka?" I sniffed.

"_Yes?"_

"W-what would you do... if... you loved someone you knew you weren't supposed to?" I struggled to talk. "And... they fell in love with someone else?"

There was silence. No answer from Luka. And as the silence grew and grew, I just couldn't stand it anymore. My heart started to burn as my thoughts kept traveling to the lockers. What if you were in love with someone you knew you shouldn't? What if you did love someone else?

"Luka?" I couldn't stand the emptiness anymore. I heard a sigh on the other end of the line.

"_Well. . I suppose it'd be hard. But I'd do my best to keep my mind off of this person. Maybe try to engage in another relationship and maybe even surround my self with friends,"_

"But what if it was really you? What would you really do?" I knew Luka. She was one to be positive, but I needed real help right now. For some reason, she didn't want to answer. But when I finally did get one:

"_I'd run and hide. I'd smile and hide. I'd try to convince myself that I hated him. I'd lie to myself that I hated him in every way possible,"_

I tried to take in all she said as the tears slowly started to fade away from my face. Maybe now I had some sort of light on my bloody path.

"Thank you, Luka,"

"_No problem. Please, try to get better. I'm here for you if you ever need me,"_

"I know. Thanks again, Luka,"

"_Goodnight, Rinny,"_

"Goodnight, Luka," I spoke as I pressed the end key. I started at the blank screen. Slowly, I found my way back under the covers and into bed, closing my eyes. And for once, I didn't see the same nightmares that haunted my dreams. Instead I saw guidance. I needed to hide. I needed to hate him.

But if I needed to hate him, why does my heart cry at the thought of leaving him?

_Would it be wrong, would it be right? If I took my life tonight? Chances are that I might. Mutilation outta sight. And I'm contemplating suicide. 'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind. Wish somebody would tell me in fine. I'm losing my sight, losing my mind. Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine Nothing's alright. Nothing is fine. I'm running and I'm crying...I'm crying..._

_

* * *

_**Hey People!  
**

**I've tried soooo hard to reach my goal of 4000 words, but I'm freaking 1000 words short! Oh well, I really hope you don't mind. Quality over Quantity, right?**  
**I'd be honored if you guys gave me suggestions of chapter ideas. I'm terrible at fillers, but really awesome at main plots. So, I want the readers to really choose on this. You guys are my audience, and I only want to please you! So go on ahead with suggestions!**

**~ Miko  
**


	4. Change is Cold Murder

**Rin's POV**  
It's been a few days now... a bit more than a week, perhaps. Yes, definitely more than a week. And I've started noticed a change in my family, not just me. My parents, they'd do so much to keep me moving and to keep me out of the room I so call my haven. And Len, he seems to be more worried about me lately. He looks at me with those puppy-like eyes of his, and I could tell how much concern lay in those orbs of his. So many times he'd walk into my room during the times that I'd be so wrapped up in my "venting" that my door was left unlocked, and I'd throw objects at him and punch him and kick him whenever he tried to bother me. Yet, he was always so patient with me. He helped me calm down...

But at the same time, it hurt. It hurt like he was nothing but pure fire.

I shook my head. I had enough of this drama the past few weeks. Now was not the time to be angst, right? Right? My mind received no answer as I slowly shut the journal that sat in front of me. Something deep inside of me knew all this wouldn't end well. Slowly I made my way up from the chair I sat on, opening the door to the bathroom. "I'm not that bad," I said, looking into the mirror. My eyes were still, in my opinion, a nice shade of blue, even if my parents say it had faded. My face was normal, hiding behind that smile I had grown to see. Even my hair managed to stay a nice blonde. But, I picked up the ribbon on the counter. I had refused to wear it for such a long time, since that say with Miku...

_"Ugh," I groaned, using my short arms to lazily block out the sunlight in my eyes. It was too early to be woken up now... but I still felt another's arms grabbing mine, trying to take them away from my face. Why does he have to be the one to wake me up in the mornings? I'll never know._

_"Come on, Rin-chan!" the voice spoke, urging me to get up and away from my sleep._

_"What so important that I can't sleep in?" I continued to complain. My eyes, now reluctantly open, glared at the cute kid beside me, so close to my face. His blue orbs were pleading with that abandoned puppy look that I inwardly loved. And the way the light came in from the window behind him, and made his blonde hair so angelic... he wasn't far from being down right adorable._

_He had a look of fake hurt written on his face. "How could you possibly forget our birthday already?"_

_My body shot up immediately at the thought of our birthday, knocking my brother down in the process.; birthdays could only mean one important thing: cake and presents. I rushed to the dresser, trying to get some clean clothes to change into from my orange pajamas, while ignoring my poor brother in the process. Even if it was our birthday, they- our parents- would still expect the both of us to be... sophisticated? Whatever that meant._

_"Ow," the twin voice of mine grumbled, rubbing his hurting rear._

_"Be a man!" I laughed, copying Meiko's exact words for Kaito's unmanliness._

_And by the time we did make it down the stairs, Len was practically dragging me along with the excitement running through his body. If anything, I bet I was more excited. I was just tired. It wasn't long until we made it to the living room, where, in front of the television set, we had a small stack of presents._

_But out of them all, I remember the box- an average one. Just sitting there it was. It was the first thing my eyes found after rudely being woken from my brother. The present was so nicely wrapped compared to the rest of my presents, with a brilliant orange bow on the top. Maybe it wasn't the biggest or maybe it wasn't the most expensive looking, but I remember it was the prettiest of the bunch. Len quickly grabbed it, handing it to me right away._

_"It's from me," he cheered, and he smiled. I remember how cute his smile was. I nodded, his bright, goofy grin catching on and finding a way on my face. "Go on! Open it!" my dearest brother cheered next to me, as if it was his own present (and as if I wasn't opening it fast enough). It was our seventh birthday, but this was my true first gift solely for me._

_"Alright, alright!" I spoke, tearing away the wrappings quickly. I tossed them to the side and onto the floor. The object that lay in the box, it made me squeal with pure glee and joy. For inside the pretty box was a white ribbon, the color of pure pearls. It was so beautiful for me to lay eyes on._

_"Let me help you put this on," he smiled at me. I let him run his hands through my hair as he struggled to get the beautiful prize onto my head just right._

_"There," he spoke, lifting his hands away from the bow. His grinned. "You look so beautiful, sis," But I wasn't exactly listening, at least, not at the moment. My arms found their way around him. My next words would be so full of meaning- meaning I took for granted until now._

_"Thank you,"_

"If only things could be just like that once more," I hadn't realized I had spoken out loud. My hands wrapped around the ties of the beautiful- and still completely precious- white ribbon that I haven't worn in, what to me was, a long time. Carefully, my hands ran through my hair with the ends of the ribbon until it was just perfectly set on my head. So now, even if he wasn't with me, he'd be here in my memories.

My eyes found their way to the mirror, smiling the first one in forever that had finally reached my eyes. The ribbon was a part of me, just like Len was. As my hands moved to where my heart was placed, I could feel the gentle beats that I couldn't feel over this past week. And for once, I could actually smile. He was still with me, and I'd find a way to make him mine. He'll be mine one day. And as I turned around, I made sure to wipe away the tears that had shown themselves in my reflection.

_Look out, Bitch._

I made my way down the stairs, taking two steps at a time. For once, I had energy in my legs to move along, and, despite how silly it sounds, I felt like prancing. My mood was lifted, and it was just perfect. Around the corner of the staircase, and into the kitchen I made my way. I had skipped lunch already, and my stomach was giving the rumblies only oranges could satisfy.

My hand immediately reached for the orange object in the bowl of fruits on the counter. The scent of it completely captured me as I peeled the skin, throwing away the parts of the orange that was of no use to me. It landed perfectly in the trashcan with skill and I tore away at the juicy flesh, letting it satisfy my hunger. I knew I hadn't been eating as much, but this was just amazing.

With my mood lifted beyond breaking, I walked into the couch where I suddenly stood corrected. As if God was against me once more, I saw none other than those two together on the couch, watching some movie on the large television set in front of them. The way they were just holding each other, it drove a spike through my heart. I had forgotten Len and Miku had been spending so much time together... My smile started to falter. Sure, it didn't hurt as much as before, but I've become so cold lately, so freaking numb lately, it was scary. I've found myself not caring about anything lately... What am I, emo? I might as well been. Maybe then, I wouldn't be complaining about it so much.

They weren't making out by this time, but they might as well been. It was as if God had just planned to make me suffer, as if he was laughing. I sighed, turning my head away. I was past tears at this point of my heartbroken stage. As I've said before, I've just stopped caring about anything. But it still hurt. The agony was actually worse than before. To the point I'd scream and find my pillow wet with pure salty tears after a dream I could never remember.

I decided to walk out while holding my phone in my hands. I stared at the small screen with my blue eyes, concentrating on what I was doing. My feet were almost there- out the front door...

"Where are you going, Rinny?" Part of me didn't want to, but it just fueled the hate inside of my burning heart- that voice of Miku's.

"Out," I whispered, biting my tongue so that I didn't sound as harsh as I wanted to. I could hear her voice talk once more, but I had enough. Without any more disruptions, I walked out the door, slamming it behind me. I sighed, pressing the send button. This was going to be a long day, wasn't it?

0o0o

I shook my head and continued to watch the screen as the brunette next to me slouched on the entire couch, elbow resting on the pillow and one hand pressing the channel button of the remote like nobody's business. She scowled, not liking any of the channels she happened to land on.

"Come on, Meiko. Can you just settle on a channel already?" I asked, wanting something to do. I came here as a distraction, and so far, nothing was happening.

"I'm not going to watch any of this bullshit," she growled, taking another large gulp of her sake. This woman can be an ass when she starts to drink.

I sighed, laying my head on the back of the couch, being careful to make sure my ribbon didn't fall off and out of my hair. My eyelids closed, letting me just think freely. It started out with the rage and sorrow of Miku, and then I started to think about that sake Meiko was drinking. Sure, I've heard many bad things about being drunk, and hell, the brunette was a living example of it. But still.

I lifted one of my eyelids, glancing at Meiko. "Can I have some?" I said, lifting my head and pointing to the bottle in her hand. She glared at me, still seeming a bit sober.

"You're too young to be drinking," she grunted.

"Aren't you?"

"I'm eighteen. I'm allowed under my parents standards," Did I mention she had some pretty wealthy parents? Not millionaires, but pretty good living standards. Anyway, I tried to reason with her. I wanted to wash out those stupid memories...

"Can I just have a small bit?"

"The answer is still no,"

"How will anyone find out?" I dared to challenge.

"..."

"Well?" That glare I earned almost burned through me. But she sighed. Apparently, she had given up.

"Fine," she spoke, handing me an unopened bottle from the counter. How many of these things does she carry, anyway? My hands were hesitant in opening it, but I was starting to get desperate. The memories still hung in my head as I took a small sip. It was actually pretty good- almost like the white wine I had taken a sip from my mother and father once when I was little. I continued to drink it while we watched t.v. I don't really remember what happened after that...

0o0o

_"Rin, wake up and turn that damn phone off,"_

I grumbled, slowly opening my eyes and lifting up my body. I was down on the floor, and my head hurt like hell. I looked around my surroundings, seeing a few sake bottles here and there; most of them were belonging to Meiko, maybe two or three belonging to me. And sure enough, that ring tone of Love is War continued to play. Grabbing it from the counter near the couch, my eyes went to the screen to see the caller. I really didn't want to pick up-

"Hello?" -but I did anyway.

_"Rin-chan? Where have you been? It's been seven hours," _That twin voice of mine, it was showing so much worry.

"I'm at Meiko's house," I spoke, letting my free hand rub my temples. I thought hangovers only happened to people who drank a lot...

_"Well, you better hurry up. You're going to be late,"_

My mind didn't quite register. "Late for what?" My eyes looked up at the clock, seeing the hour hand reach towards six.

I heard a sigh on the other end of the line. _"Piano lessons. Remember? Mother added you to Saturday nights since that other girl Neru stopped,"_

Oh shit. How could I possibly forget one of mom's plans to get me out of my room? "Tell mom I'll be there in fifteen minutes!"

I hung up the phone, cutting Len off in the process, and got up in a hurry. Mother, and more importantly Luka would kill me if I was late for something like this. I glanced at Meiko, who was already out cold. Even if my cell did bother her, the sake seemed to have a larger affect. Drool was gathering at the side of her mouth and she just lay on the couch limply. I attract some very strange friends...

I dragged my legs out the door as I kept thinking. Well, it wasn't exactly thinking, since my head still hurt like hell. My head shouldn't even be hurting; I didn't drink many bottles, and it wasn't even morning. The Internet is such a liar.

And as I walked down the sidewalk, I started to notice it was getting dark, with nothing but the street light guiding my path.

I shouldn't be surprised; It was December already. It would be our birthday in another two weeks. To be truthful, I wondered how this party was going to end up. Teto and the rest of the girls would probably over decorate once again with colorful confetti and Christmas trees and balloons and cakes with cookies. I can imagine the bright and colorful moment when they'd all jump out after lighting a dark room, and how the silly games would begin. And of course we'd be stocked up on and endless supply of ice cream. Not to mention, Meiko would bring an unlimited amount of sake that some of the party members would get into. That's when hell would break loose.

Wind around me started to pick up, bringing the cold with it. My arms wrapped around my shoulders, suddenly remembering my forgotten jacket. But I was already two blocks from my house... I should just keep going. My legs started to go faster, making me break into a run instead of a normal walk. It was too cold outside, and it was almost familiar- the way the cold was uncomfortably numbing me.

0o0o

I stared down at the floor, waiting in the chair in the living room. It was Luka's apartment, nearing eight, and it was still another ten minutes until it was my turn for lessons. But as God would let it be, Miku was right before me, playing away on my pinkette's polished, tuned, and godly black grand piano. I would say I hated it, and I hated how her playing sounded like a dying cat, but the way that the aqua-haired demon played, I honestly could not say anything negative. I could not say it because, even though I envied her in every way- whether it was for her beauty, or her skill, or even the fact that she had Len- she was better than I was. The way she pressed the piano keys, and the way she matched every beat and rhythm as if it was her heart, it was impressive- out of my league.

I was completely out of my denial for once in my God forsaken life.

I got up when it was my turn, switching places with the girl I so desperately wanted to be. Blue eyes of mine watched as she talked to the boy I loved before she stayed and he took his leave; my attention snapped back to the piano. Slowly my hands found the way to their keys as I took my seat, waiting for Luka's next instruction. She slowly lowered the piece in front of my eyes.

"Try to sight-read this," She spoke softly. The song was so named Meltdown; just about perfect for my time.

And so my keys slid through the piano, missing here and there every so often. I didn't really care how badly I messed up, however. In fact, I could feel the numbness spreading throughout me. I felt myself zone out, deep in thought, until I reached a sour note. That mistake is what brought me out of my daze.

"Just keep trying, Rinny," the voice belonging to Miku spoke, trying to 'encourage' me.

I finally had enough. I had enough of the sadness that had leaked through me, causing my heart to shatter. I was tired of the constant reminder that my world was falling apart. I was fucking tired of the numb feeling that clouded my mind and made me care about nothing. I was fucking pissed at the fact that I had to hide behind a smile every God-damned day of my fucking life. And most of all, I was tired of that bitch, Miku.

Miku was the one who I had first met, and the one who became my close friend. Yet, she was the one that tore my heart into pieces by taking the only one I had ever truly and fully cared about. She was the fucking reason I had to hide and run away! My eyes snapped up and glared at her.

"I had enough of you!" I screamed at her, wanting to cause her so much harm- giving me some sense of unsighted justice. I stood up, pushing the piano stool aside in the process as my hands clenched together in a way that made the skin sting. But that stinging, it made me feel better, because it made me feel more.

"What did I do?" I heard her soft voice ask. As if she didn't know. Complete and blind mania filled my mind as I launched myself at her, kicking her and punching her. She bit my arm, but I couldn't feel its pain as I felt the rush of energetic adrenaline rush through my veins. Only the warm, red liquid that fell down it. I pulled at her aqua twin-tails as she completely tore at my head in defence, tearing off my precious white ribbon in the process, leaving discarded and torn on the cold tile...

I kicked her shin, and the slut punched my elbow. I bit her arm, and she completely punched my head until the room was spinning. But that didn't stop me. I dug my nails into her skin, drawing some red liquid, and she in turn kicked and punched at me. We were rolling in circles, trying to inflict as much physical pain as we could.

Though, the fight was soon taken apart- seemed to be as quickly as it had started. Luka grabbed me by the shoulders as Len rushed over to Miku, checking over her and completely being the protecting, caring one. He kissed the scratches on her hand and smiled, trying to rid himself of the worried look. Sure, Miku was fine, and my twin was relieved, but my heart was not put to rest.

Len, you really cared for her more than you did me, didn't you? You cared about every little part of her life, down to the smallest scratch; yet at the end of the fight, you could only stand up, and start screaming at me. Your face, it was full of nothing but shame and anger and so many emotions that I couldn't fathom- nor have I seen before- and you sent them towards me. I couldn't understand your words, but I could feel my eyes widen with fresh, burning tears. I realized how much you cared about her...

...And how little room you had in your heart for me...

Yet, the ironic part of it was, I loved you more than anything. Even if it was wrong, I loved you more than she possibly could. I'd tear her from your arms and dispose of her if I could, but that wouldn't be the thing to do. Because, if I managed to remove the threat, you'd be crying and in pain, just like I was. It's nothing but a steel trap for me. Pain comes to my heart because you refuse to let me go, but pain would come to attack my soul if I managed to get my selfish wish...

The room around me moved without me aware. You put your jacket around her, walking her outside- probably taking her home. You shoe stepped on the torn, white ribbon that once meant to much to me so long ago when you were too busy caring for your love. Maybe it was too long ago when I received that gift from you. I felt Luka's hand on me, asking a question that I would guess being what's wrong, but I didn't care what she said. I didn't care about anything else at that moment. My brother- that's all he'd be, and I couldn't change that. My eyes looked down to the floor before my knees buckled, bringing me down with them to greet the cold tile.

_I only wanted to give you my loyalty, but you chose to leave me all alone. Now, I understand everything. That maybe the first time I saw you, I was wrongly misinterpreted. And now, I have to live with it. I don't think that I need to drink to forget this painful and deep sorrow. But you are going to regret it and you will miss me... All these poems [that I write] are crystal drops of water from my tears._

* * *

**Oh my gosh guys, it is finally done! Chapter four!**

**I have to admit, this was a really hard chapter to get done. I actually had to lock myself up just to work on this chapter. I really hope you enjoy it!**

**The ending quote you might not get as easily as the one in the previous chapter. It is from a book of poems called "One Hundred Drops of Water" by Raul Sanchez Monreal Jr.  
**

**The ending section was an idea Flashlight QUEEN and I had come up with. Well, I altered it a lot, but it still got the point through, right?**

**Guys, I promise, in the next chapter I will give Rin some love. I normally don't like MikuxLen, so that's why I'm staying in Rin's point of view. But I honestly do promise from the bottom of my heart that in the next chapter, there will be a small but of love between Rin and Len. How you ask? Well, I foreshadowed it in the story. Just look for it...**

**Lastly, I might not get chapters done as fast as I am. For one thing, I try to make each chapter between 3500 and 4000 words long. Secondary, I have to take breaks every once in a while so I don't give up on the fanfiction so easily. Third, I have a group of two people named Danielle and Holly who go through my chapters to make sure nothing is rushed or misspelled. So thank them. =D**

**~Miko  
**


	5. A Dream out of 10,000 Nightmares

**Well, I'm going to hold the next chapter hostage! let's try to get 32 reviews and no chapters get harmed, eh?**

**Disclaimer: If you are very prude, such as I, viewer discretion is advised. There are no sexual themes, but it is suggested. I promise, nothing detailed or bad. It's not even M rated... so...  
**

* * *

**Rin's POV**

Since then, since that night, I've locked myself in my room. I remember hearing the constant pleas from my family to walk out of my sacred haven for once, but I ignored them. I ignored them as if I knew death was waiting for me downstairs- and it most likely was. I never went down, not once out of this entire time, in fear of seeing Len again... I never left this room. Not through hunger or thirst (just thank God a bathroom is connected to my room). They ended up leaving food at my door, which I appreciated. At least my family doesn't want me to die of starvation.

It's a pathetic world I live in, with hopes and dreams being nothing but a paper boat floating in crashing waters. At first, you think it'll keep you up and alive, out of the cold and violent waves that start reaching its sinful arms in a desperate attempt to reach you, but then you realize that you were only going to crash anyway, and you had no way out. The boat that you took such pride and faith in was just disintegrating beneath your feet. Then you start to panic and scream as if this wasn't supposed to happen. But we all know that paper sinks. It may float at first, but it always sinks sooner or later.

There were only two choices left: Either just sink in the boat of untrue dreams, waiting for what is- in truth- inevitable, or just jump into the cold and relenting world without hesitation and quickly greet what is awaiting you.

I sighed into the pillow my face rested on, my body still laying lazily under the covers in the cold morning. It's been a few weeks since the night that my brother and I had been torn apart, like the white ribbon I desperately loved. And to be completely truthful, I am nothing but a coward. I'm too afraid to even see my brother. I'm too fearful of confessing my love to him, even though it is too late. I was too afraid to walk out of my room, seek the comfort of my friends, and just try to move on with my life. And now, I wanted to die. I want to take the coward's way out of this world. Because, in all honesty, I am not at strong as I once thought I was.

I was never as strong as anyone thought I was.

My body sat up slowly and painfully, letting the muscles that I haven't used in a long time stretch themselves. I winced as I lifted up part of my shirt, seeing red around healing cuts. They didn't seem to be infected, since I nursed and cared for each one after they started to appear, but they still hurt. It was nothing but a constant reminder of how weak I truly was. It was nothing but a constant reminder that my dear loved one would never return my feelings, and would never forgive me. I felt my hand wanting to reach for it, but I kept the pocket knife in its home under the pillow...

Fresh tears found their way about, around my cheeks and down to the pillow below. Everything was a steel trap for me. I couldn't do a thing anymore but let my chest constrict whenever I thought about his precious Miku. Knowing how much she meant to him, and knowing how much he hated me right now for acting out. I knew he didn't want to be around my face at this moment. I must have been a monster acting out in his eyes. Nothing but a savage beast. But, I couldn't be a savage beast, could I?

I heard a few knocks on the door, but I didn't want to reply. Not now, anyway. Instead, my head looked lazily out the window. The world that was nothing but crashing and relentless waves was covered by this white illusion of snow. I could dare say it was beautiful, the way it sparkled like soft glitter underneath the warming light of the sun. It covered the streets and surrounded the house, and completely captured my attention in a daze.

That was, until the phone completely snapped me out of the daze once again. I don't know why I even bothered to keep it with me if I was ignoring calls, or anyone for that matter. And as it continued to buzz in my pocket- it was set that was because I didn't want to hear the annoying ring tone over and over again as people uselessly tried to contact me- I started to wonder. When it stopped, my hands went over the screen as I took it out to let my eyes see what was left for me. Another unread text message. My eyes closed shut as I recognised the number of my dear brother. Why did he want anything to do with me? Though I meant to press the 'delete' button, my heart decided to give it a chance.

_To: Rin Kagamine_

_Subject: Happy Birthday_

_Message: Happy Birthday. Please come out. I have a gift for you. ~Len._

Was I dare to respond, or even follow the orders? He had something for me, for our birthday. What could it possibly be that would let Len forgive me, or even glance in my direction? I wanted to reply- even if it was with writing and not with real, physical words- and to say I'd never walk out of my room, not ever again. But my fingers wouldn't move as my eyes glanced at the 'reply to message' screen.

My heart started to beat.

He wanted to see me, and that was enough. My body found its way upwards and, hesitantly, unlocked and opened the door that remained closed for nearly half a month. My sleeves found their way across my face, wiping away any fresh tears, before walking down the stairs and to the living room. My eyes glanced around the dark and lifeless room, seeing no one here. Why would anyone, mostly Len, play such a trick on me? But it wasn't a trick, I soon found out, as I took the buzzing phone out of my pocket.

_To: Rin_

_Subject: Happy Birthday_

_Message: Walk outside the back door._

I could feel my feet leading my body towards the clear sliding door that led to our backyard. I could see the snow so clearly now, and it just shined. It even rested on our poor, dormant sakura that slept this time of year. My body led itself outside, leading to the middle of the yard. There was nothing- no one- here. What in God's name...? I pulled out the phone that buzzed once again.

_To: Rin_

_Subject: Happy Birthday_

_Message:-_

"Happy Birthday, Rin-chan," I heard a familiar and sweet voice call from behind me. I turned around, seeing nothing short of my dear brother smiling, his blue eyes shining. His hands that were behind him found themselves in front of my eyes. What I saw- it was an average box, wrapped in a paper so nicely and professionally. On top was an orange bow, and it glittered like the snow underneath the morning sun. I grabbed it, holding it in my hands as if it was as fragile as a porcelain doll.

"Open it," he urged, his face as cute as the day this reminded me of, ten years ago. Slowly I unwrapped it with shaking hands, letting the paper fall to the ground beneath. My breath was taken away from what I saw inside the box... tears started rushing in waterfalls down my face as a smile found it way on me.

'_The object that lay in the box, it made me squeal with pure glee and joy. For inside the pretty box was a white ribbon, the color of pure pearls. It was so beautiful for me to lay eyes on.'_

"Let me help you put this on," he repeated his exact words from those ten years ago. I could feel his hands run through my golden locks, getting out small tangles and getting it ready for the final piece. I could feel him putting on the piece of fabric that was meaning so much to me then, and to me now.

"There," he said, lifting his hands away from my hair. Without control, I let my body cling to his figure as I wrapped my arms around him, letting my face rest against his neck. The tears still escaped my eyes, but they weren't of pain this time. Every time my heart beat, it wasn't because of pain, but instead because of heart-wrenching happiness.

I could feel his arms wrap around me.

"Thank you," I whispered.

* * *

We were laying against the dormant sakura for some time, lying next to each other in the small circle of snow with our hands interlinked in what was- even if it only was- a sibling bond. The sky above, it was still a nice blue with few clouds, reflecting our eyes as we gazed into it, remembering memories from long ago. Memories where we used to play, and laugh, and just be happy-

"Remember that one stray we used to play with when we were little?" He asked, seeming to think the same thing I was. I nodded, looking at his face.

"Yep. I remember you were afraid of him because of how tough he looked," This stray dog was really rough looking, with slightly dirty fur, a scar on his shoulder and across his chest. Even this dog had some tough muscles. "It took some time before you finally let me ride him,"

"He looked strong, and don't forget those teeth," He pouted, looking into my eyes. He just looked so cute with those blue orbs of his. "Besides, I didn't think he wanted to be a horse,"

"He didn't seem to mind," I spoke, half in thought. I grabbed his upper arm and smirking, "At least he had muscles, compared to you, shouta!"

His hand quickly retreated from mine as a scowl on his face directed itself towards my sudden laughter. The way his face was, it was too priceless. "I'm not a shouta," he growled, launching himself at me. I squealed, landing on the ground and in the snow with a small thud as he began to assault me with tickles.

"No!" I laughed, trying to push him off me. When the hell did he get so strong? His smirk only grew.

"Only if you apologize," he sounded so calm. Heat found its way to my cheeks, hidden by the laughter.

"N-never!" I was running low on breath. He lifted his head, bellowing out a laugh. I slapped his hands away, finally getting some much-needed air. It was only a little while after when we were able to look into each others eyes, both with our light attitudes and our goofy grins.

* * *

**General POV**

As the girl with golden locks had predicted, the house was perfectly overdone with decorations. A plethora of balloons hung from the walls and the ceiling- letting the colors shine with enough light that it'd make a rainbow cry in jealousy. Ribbons of many shapes, sizes, and colours hung around the room, along with confetti and many other strange, yet beautiful, designs. Feathers of multiple- you guessed it- colors covered the floor to the point you couldn't even see it!

In the far corner one would see a large, pine green Christmas tree, barely touching the roof with the help of a golden, sparkling star. It was lush and round, and shaded the multitude of presents that lay underneath it. Big presents, small presents, presents that were round and presents that were oddly shaped. Every single one had bows and ribbons or wrapping that tried to stand out from the other.

Now that the room stood dark, it was easy to see how the unusual orange and yellow chirstmas lights hung from the ceiling and around the tree, lighting the void in the impressive room. Many tables were set up, but one stood between two smaller, paler Christmas trees with much fewer, but still many- decorations. On this table stood even more ribbons and glitter, but it held bowls of cookies, fruits, cupcakes, ice cream, some bread and some leeks, and of course, dozens of bottles of Sake.

Rin and Len's friends really outdid themselves this time, didn't they?

The pair of twins walked in, curious to find the house darkened and so quickly put up after- okay, so it wasn't that short of a time. A smile was written on their face as Rin took her sibling's arm, leading him to the center of the room, making vivid feathers fly up beneath their feet as they tread the ground. They both new what to expect... but when would it start?

_3... there was still silence_

_2... the room moved around them_

_1... the lights suddenly flashed on, showing not normal white, but instead colors._

Everyone jumped out of their hiding places- Kaito from behind the staircase, Meiko hidden by the door, Ted hidden by the table of bountiful treats along with his sister Teto who was busy munching on some bread, Miku and her older brother Mikuo hidden behind the lush green Christmas tree and some of the gigantic presents that were twice their size, Neru somehow hidden under the feathers on the floor, and many more people with many more places to hide. Laughter immediately followed as a group formed in the center, with Miku and Teto pulling both siblings across the room.

"Presents first!" The aqua-haired girl that Len loved- who Rin despised- pulled both of them by the arm. At least, until Teto grabbed them by their other arms.

"No, it's cake!" The two girls started their own tug-o'-war, while the rest of the group could only stare with sweatdrops as the two siblings were being pulled and tugged by their arms like ragdolls.

"Presents!"

"Cake!"

"Presents!"

"No, Cake!"

"PRESENTS!"

"CAKE!"

"Ladies, please!" the dear mother of the birthday twins spoke. Her hands were clashed together, trying to find a compromise. The pair of hostage siblings were soon let go as both girls lowered their head in embarrassment, red covering their faces.

"Gomen," they spoke in unison. She seemed to nod in approval.

"Alright, so let's get things started on a good note," The father of the two stepped forward.

* * *

Things seemed to happen all at once for the group at the party. Many friends, family, guests including strangers stepped in line at the snack table, grabbing greedily at the sweets of candy and cookies. People danced in time to the music that started playing. Meanwhile, the group of friends sat in a tight circle around the twins as if to allow them no escape as the two blonde sat back to back, each with stack upon stack of presents surrounding them.

"Open mine first!" Miku cheered out.

"No mine!" Kaito called, eating most of the ice cream from the table previously stated.

"No, Mine's the best!" Called out Teto.

"No it isn't!" Someone called out.

Len lifted his hands, trying to stay out of the source of the argument. He was nervous, seeing these people argue over such a thing. Rin, however, wouldn't be as moved. She huffed, pouting, and finally speaking. "We'll open all the presents eventually. Besides, it's our birthday," She stuck out her tongue to all the people. "So we choose which ones to open,"

There was muttering, but it was soon shushed as people watched the stubborn sister unwrap her second present today, a round one not giving any regard to the paper she torn. Slowly it revealed itself to her to be a giant orange plush... which was quite literally an orange plush. She smiled, hugging it, wondering who gave it to her since she tore off the 'from' tag in the process.

"I'm glad you like it!" Miku cheered from the crowd. Rin's smile inwardly started to falter as she realized it was from the one she hated more than anything. But this wasn't the time for her to be sad. She had plenty more presents to open!

Now, unlike his ruthless sister, Len picked up his rather oddly shaped present and started to unwrap the present that read it was from his girlfriend. Carefully, he tore off the wrapping, leaving most of it perfectly intact- despite Rin's impatience. It turned out to be yellow and, much to his surprise, a giant banana plushie? Len's head shook as he smiled at his girlfriend, pretending to enjoy the gift. After all, it was from her, right?

"I made it myself," she spoke, hugging him and giving him a soft peck on the cheek that drove Rin wild.

"Thank you," He spoke, giving the Aqua-haired girl a hug in return. For the rest of the group, it was, in general, a cute moment for the two. But to Rin, his sister, it became nothing but sadness and rage. Part of her knew it was silly, but she was overtaken by the fact that Len had spent much of the morning with her, and yet this... betrayal happened. But her attention was caught by the attack of another present.

"Come on Rin! Open mine next!"

"No, Mine's awesomer~"

"Len, you've gotta see MY present!"

Here we go again...

* * *

Presents were all unwrapped, and everything that was on no importance was thrown around on the floor. The presents? Well, Miku happened to take the right about of time and effort to put everything neatly under the tree. Meanwhile, we find the group out in the living room while all the adults left for some important thing, claiming that being eighteen meant being capable of being home alone. Feathers were dusted aside as drinks were being passed (now that everything was legalized, except for a few cases such as Teto, who was still a year too young).

Meiko had already lost her soberness long before and was now leaning against the wall, trying to make some new rules to a game. Kaito, who was still refusing to part with his ice cream to drink some alcohol, sat stubbornly in the group. At least, until someone had the brilliant idea to make a root beer float... with wine instead of actual root beer. Wasn't long until he was dancing in the snow with only a scarf to cover himself.

"Should we help him?" Len whispered into Rin's ear while the rest of the group was watching a sake chugging contest between Meiko, the current winner for five straight games, and Mikuo, who was losing on half of his first bottle. Rin turned around, trying not to lose eye contact of Mikuo suffering.

"Nah, he'll be fine," She spoke, as if the drunk Kaito was normal.

Len sighed, not liking the idea of a dancing, drugged Kaito alone, but what could they do about it? His head turned around, seeing Mikuo pass out after his first bottle. Meiko smirked.

"Wiiimp. Swowhos next, huuuh?" She challenged, drunkenly of course. No one wanted to go up again. She had already beaten Mikuo, Ted, Luka (despite much refusal), Sonika, and even Gumi. They all directed their attention to one another, before their heads turned at once to the twins.

"Let them have a chance,"

"Against Meiko? I doubt they could win,"

"Nooo. I mean against each other!"

"Oh~ _Yes_!"

"My Money's on Len!"

"No way! Rin would win for sure!"

Both twins turned their head towards each other, as if sharing one thought... Run. They got up, trying to flee out the window, but some were too fast for them. Mikuo (somehow magically revived) grabbed Len while his younger sister grabbed Rin. They struggled, trying to get free, but it wasn't enough against the two that held them against their will. A simultaneous sigh escaped their lips as they gave in. There was no escape. Not now, or ever. Not until the two drank to their limits.

Both glanced at the sake before them, not really wanting to drink. For Len, it would cause so much problems that he had heard about. For Rin, she just didn't want that stupid hangover like last time. But there was no turning back now. All their friends watched them with close eyes, and Meiko was watching with- wait. She was passed out cold on the floor. So much for her winning streak.

It was hesitant, and pure, dead silent. Both twins picked up the bottle of sake, giving each other once last glance as the crowd waited in pure anticipation. They brought the bottles to their lips as the liquid touched their tongues and rested in their mouths, leaving a strange flavor as they swallowed. The crowd became less silent as the twins started to gulp down the liquid quickly with the sudden urge to end up victorious.

"My bet is still on Rin,"

"No way, Len is totally going win this,"

The two continued drinking away, throwing empty bottles onto the ground. Two, three, four. They were totally synced in this competition. You'd think one would win, but the other would catch up. Friends started getting excited as the amount of bottles grew. Five, six, seven. Attention was unmovable.

Well, in an attempt to break the fourth wall, the author had typed that sentence too soon. Kaito, who was ignored in his naked snow dances, had now found his drunken ass back into the house and started twirling around with his scarf into the tables and into the trees.

"What the hell?" The friends turned to see this strange sight, and in an attempt to keep things sane, tried to handle the situation in uncanny ways. Attention was taken off the two, as Rin had finally lost every one of her restraints in her drunken daze. Slowly, she crawled over to her brother and had taken his bottle of sake, tossing it on the floor as she sat in his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. It was then she took his lips in a heated and sloppy kiss.

Being lost in his senses, he separated too soon for Rin's liking, but instead grabbed her arm, leading her up the stairs- surprisingly well for a drunk- and led her into his room. His arms found hers as he quickly pressed her against the wall, arms above her head. Their lips once again met eagerly, hungrily, as his body pressed against hers. His hands soon let go of his sister's wrists, trailing down her the side of her curves and breasts before stopping at her waist.

Her hands ran pulled out his ponytail so that his blonde locks ran down. Rin pressed his head closer, deepening the kiss. Tongues dances and wrestled for dominance in each other's mouths, as her hands slowly trailed up his shirt, feeling his lightly toned chest. The two finally, reluctantly, separated for air.

Looking at her hungrily, Len attached his lips to her neck, sucking and biting hard from the jawline down to the collarbone. Rin let out a squeal, taken by surprise, but let out a short moan, pulling at Len's hair. He pressed against her harder, slowly unbuttoning her shirt. Pushing his leg between her legs, Rin let out another short, restrained moan, pulling his head towards her neck. Suddenly, Len pulled her from the wall and pushed her onto the bed, himself falling on top. Rin reached up to wrap her arms around his neck, slowly kissing his neck. Pulling at the collar of his shirt, she followed as low as the shirt would go, until she pulled it off his head. Letting out a groan, he began to work on her shirt as the bed creaked.

Needless to say, no one downstairs heard the easily-identifiable sounds the two made upstairs.

* * *

**Dear Goshy Gosh~ 4000 words exactly without any author's notes!**

**Well, I didn't want to make Len a bish anymore. So I brought you the first hint of Rin/Len. Oh~**

**~Miko**

**PS: Danielle, my editor, has important news! She has created her own set of stories at **http:/www(DOT)wolfysstories(DOT)webs(DOT)com **Please remember kids, some of her stories are 18+**


	6. Two Souls

**IMPORTANT INFO:** **Because of many big projects due, and homework getting more intense, I need to hold up on posting chapters for a while. I promise I'll work on them off and on, but for now, I need to focus on school. Please forgive me.**

**Expect chapters to be up every week to every other week. This weekend doesn't really count, being Halloween and all!**

* * *

**Rin's POV**

I... I didn't know what to think anymore; can I even think anymore? I stood in front on the mirror in my bathroom, looking at myself over and over again, glancing at every part of me as if some horrible, inhuman, foreign object found itself taking over and consuming my flesh. These hands on mine trailed over several bites on my neck, along with red marks along my stomach and torso, before they covered my mouth- which remained in a gasp; I was perfectly ashamed. Yes, I loved my brother dearly, but to have it happen this early, and in this way? I never wanted it to happen like it. It never should have happened like this. I just hope he never figures out the full picture.

Yes, I was the first one to wake up. The lights from his window found their way through the certain, letting in the sun as it hit my face. Sure, at first I didn't think anything of this. I mean, sun light hits my face every morning; why would this be any different. What struck me first didn't happen until my eyes had gotten adjusted- I happened to be in his room. His room, not mine, and I never remembered even being here. I shifted my body away from his- which I was reluctant, I'll admit that much- but it was different when my headache kicked in. It was the same, if not worse, than the time I drank at Meiko's house...

I ran out and into my room when I had found out what had happened. My mind had pieced it all together. And here I was, standing in front of the mirror, gasping what what should have never been. And to be perfectly honest, I was scared- I am scared- about what might happen if anyone else, especially Len, found out what happened that night. Slowly, hand hands clenched together in a sudden thought, making my knuckles turn white. All I had been doing this whole time was digging my own grave- my own fucking dirt hole. My head turned away from the mirror as water fell down my reflection's blue eyes. My life was completely ruined now.

Steamed filled the bathroom as the warm, heated water fell down from the faucet into the waiting white bathtub. Slowly I slid in, letting the warmth spread through me to relax both my body and my mind- since my clothes were already discarded in the hamper. I needed to think for a while, alone.

* * *

**Len's POV**

Something really confused me. I mean, really confused me. First of all, all my clothes and many things are scattered on my bedroom floor, which wasn't that bad, knowing there was a party. Let's face it, many of those people need to be tidier. But where I was confused me, and how I was. My head hurt worse than anything- but maybe some asprin can take care of that. But what could possibly make my head hurt? My eyes squeezed shut as I sat up in my bed, rubbing my temples. It must have been all those drinks, to my demise.

I shook my head, and headed down to my bathroom after heading to the dresser and getting dressed. My hand trailed down several bites and red marks on my neck that still remained visible. No, I still couldn't fathom it, until I remembered one little detail. Whether it was my twisted dream caused by the sake- or whether it was real- the only thing I remember from after the 'contest' was Rin. My mind jumped to a strange conclusion after piecing it all together.

My head shook, trying to chase away the sick thought. But something deep inside me knew it was true. I was in my room with the bed completely wrinkled, and with me in my current condition, with my thoughts of Rin. It was just sick and twisted and wrong that something like that could happen.

But was it really twisted and wrong...? That small voice inside me kept asking.

...Yes, it was. It was wrong, taboo, and not to mention illegal. There's a reason it was a sin.

Inwardly, I sighed. I knew my life was scarred- almost ruined. This was not going to be something that would be easy to get away from. Well, as long as only I knew, everything would be fine in the end. But I knew things were going to be different between us, Rin and I, and I'm sure I wasn't going to like it. If anything, things were going to become distant. I just hope she never finds out.

I ravaged through my dresser, grabbing a scarf to keep all those bites hidden. I was reluctant, but I headed down the steps bit by bit, hoping not to run into that certain person this morning. But, seeing how we lived in the same house, it was inevitable. It proved true as I turned the corner into the kitchen, seeing my sister.

* * *

**Guys, this is real important. I hate to inform you of this, but I can no longer write 1000 Ways to Die for a while. I do promise that I'll work on chapters on and off, but Algebra just got more homework, and I have a LARGE project due in both Science and in Language Arts. Please, forgive me, and still expect the story to continue. I HATE being the author that starts writing slower, but that's life, ya know?**


	7. Love in the Wonderland

**Important info at bottom:**

* * *

**Rin's POV**

It's been another week or so, and some of the worst has happened- but at the same time, things have returned to normal. It's returned to normal in the sense that the one that I love had kept leaving me behind and kept dating that hateful, aqua-haired bitch Miku. It's returned to normal knowing that I still want him to be mine, and I've begun to seclude myself from any contact again. And how it's changed? My life's changed, it had become worse, because my brother had started this habit of pushing me away whenever I got near; I could easily assume he figured it out the same way I did. He was a smart person, after all.

And believe it or not, that wasn't the largest part of my worries. FML much?

No, that isn't the biggest thing. School starts in one more week. In one week. Knowing the teachers, homework will be delivered in abundance, giving me no time to myself. And of course, that means having to be with my brother most of the day. It doesn't seem like much to most other people, but it vents up. And, being around my brother means being around Miku most of the damn time, including almost all my classes. When I see them together... This just wasn't going to work out for me in the slightest.

Already the waves, though dulled, continue to push at my heart. Not nearly enough to be pushed into the despair of tears, but enough to set me on edge. And These thoughts- they are strange enough. I always thought myself to be the tough girl, always winning in a fight, but this just proves me wrong. Who I really am? I am a girl who commits an illegal and un-tolerated sin deep in her heart, and cries and hides at the thought of something that could never be. And as weak as I may be, I could never tell him the truth, even after an incident as life-changing as this. I hated all of this.

Maybe I was being tested? Or more likely, maybe, I was nothing more than God's personal entertainment center. Let's face it, God hates me. Hell isn't enough, he says, so he brings to it Earth instead.

And sometimes, just sometimes, I wished to end it all. I wished to grab the knife that lay underneath my pillow and just end all of this misery and anxiety. Who knew how long I was going to suffer-?

My phone continued to ring, over and over again, interrupting any of my current and further self-pitying. I didn't want to get up from my comfortable position for any reason- the sheets scrambled all over me with my head under the pillow. The arm of mine slowly reached for the orange phone, which was still playing its tone of the fitting little tune _Love is War._ Without looking at who could be possibly calling me at my comfortable time of nine in the morning, and possibly regretting it, I put it next to my ear.

"Hello?" I asked, my voice still groggy from restless sleep. I almost wanted to snap the phone shut immediately. Yep, I was definitely regretting it.

_"Rinny? How are you?"_ It was none other than her with that annoying voice that I wanted to silence forever. Sure, I was hurting- it happened every time she was around my love. But when I heard her- when I see her- alone, I feel this pure rage that wants me to murder her, even after she was dead. But that would hurt Len, wouldn't it? Not that I haven't hurt him enough.

"What do you want?" I grumbled, not wanting to go that long path. She called for something, and God damn it I don't want to hear her shrill voice on the line any longer.

_"How rude,"_ I heard her huff on the other line, going on to less exciting topics. My head started to tone her out, a habit of mine I've been picking up lately. Instead, my mind traveled to Len again. We've been so distant lately, and it just hurts... I know he knows. Did I hurt him that badly?

_"Rinny...?" _That voice was annoyed, and blew out my eardrum. I grumbled for the second time.

"Yes?" I asked, faking my lightened mood. My eyes rolled.

_"You didn't hear a thing I said, did you?" _What was she, my mother?

I sighed into the phone. We both knew the answer, "If I told you no, would you be happy?"

_"Rin. I'm disappointed."_ Oh, so now she used my real name. _"I told you that there was a carnival opening today! We should totally go. And no, you have to go. You've been in that stuffy room all week! You have to get out more,"_

I ignored her statement. "Not going,"

_"You have to come. Len and the others already said you were. Don't try to fight it, Rinny,"_

"And if I refuse?"

_"Don't make us get the rope, Rinny,"_ Kidnap, of course. What are they going for, exactly?

"Fine," I spoke, seeing how I had no choice. "Bye,"

Without another word from either of us, I shut the phone and lay it back on the nightstand, beside my table lamp. But I still didn't move from my extremely comfortable position under the scrambled pile of sheets and blankets. I didn't move my head from under the pillows, but instead closed my eyes, allowing me some time to think and maybe even fall asleep- despite the bitch's wishes. And thoughts did wander my head, going and spinning around at hundreds of miles per hour. I understand why the unspoken others would want to force me out of my room in any ways possible, but why Len? Why would Len care about getting me out of my room and outside when everyone would be hanging out together?

I snuggled my arms under my pillow. Maybe he got over this problem faster than I ever could. After all, it was only an accident, wasn't it? And he's still my brother. It's his job to care for me, and I know he would. Another sigh escaped my lips.

"I'm so damn confused,"

* * *

**Len's POV**

Where was I now, one might ask. Right now, I was staying in my room, which wasn't uncommon for me this past week. Some things have changed lately, to be perfectly honest. Things between Rin and I, they've just changed. I've been keeping myself distant from her. I don't know why I've been pushing myself away from my own sister. As small kids, we used to be so close, and we could have shared everything. Why was this any different? I mean, all that was a week ago was an accident, was it not? I closed my eyes, rubbing my temples while pausing the game of 'Left 4 Dead'. Maybe it was just so different this time, because it was wrong. I've been thinking more when I am alone, and when I have, I started to think more of my sister.

For one thing, I am her brother. Even if something as awkward as this happened, shouldn't we support each other through all this?

For another thing, I'm only her brother. When I first found out what happened that night, I knew it was sick, twisted and wrong. I knew it was nothing but disgusting, and I was honestly made my stomach turn painfully at the thought of something like that happening between us. But the more my thoughts went back to those memories, the more that little voice inside my head went off, questioning me. Did I really think it was twisted, it kept asking? Did I really find it wrong and disgusting? I always answered yes to those questions, and I've always thought I meant it, but now I've really begun to doubt myself; these feelings inside me are starting to think differently that I should be thinking.

I felt my hand run through my hair, careful not to let down the ponytail that kept me from looking like Rin.

And besides that, even if- on the slim chance- that I was falling for someone that was my own sibling, I was still loyal. I was currently with Miku now, and I loved her deeply. I truly and fully cared about her. Even if something like this incident started to change me, I wouldn't let it affect my life or affect hers, either. I loved her to the fullest. A single sigh escaped my lips as I turned off the game that I was playing. I lost my interest in it, anyway.

My feet started to lead me out of my room, towards downstairs, until the familiar tone of _Kokoro and Kokoro Kiseki_ played on my yellow cell phone. Not one to be surprised by this, I quickly retraced my steps as my arms reached for the nightstand and picked up. I knew who it was going to be, speak of the devil.

"Hey Miku~" I spoke, a smile finding its way to my face. Her cheerful atmosphere was one to keep you in your own ecstatic atmosphere, even over the phone.

_"Hey to you too, Len-len,"_ I never did mind the nicknames, even if it was a bit silly in reality.

"So, what's up?" I asked her, putting my free hand into my pocket. My eyes traveled to outside the window, letting my thoughts wander. White snow continued to appear all over the neighborhood, and they way it just shined made it seem like Wonderland. It was truly beautiful.

_"Oh yeah!_" she cheered. Even if she was a nice person, she could be so forgetful sometimes. _"The winter carnival opens today! I'm inviting the whole gang."_

"That does sound like fun,"

_"Is Rinny coming with too? I haven't seen her since your guy's birthday party,"_ Miku sounded worried. I was getting worried as well. That sister of mine, she hasn't been out of her room in a while. Sometimes I wondered what was wrong with her. This just wasn't right. And of course I wasn't going to do anything.

"Of course Rin-chan is coming with us," I volunteered for her.

_"Alright!"_ I could almost see that evil smile of hers. _"I'll make sure to bring the battering ram,"_

I couldn't help but chuckle. Whether it was at how cute Miku was acting, or if it was because of the hidden truth in her statement, I didn't notice. I smiled towards the phone. "I'll see you later today,"

_"Bye, Lenny,"_ Slowly I shut the phone, ending the conversation, and putting said phone into my pocket. Today was going to be a good day, I could feel it. Now if only Rin would stop moping around.

* * *

**General POV**

It wasn't long until the blonde girl fell, once again, into her sleep. Sprawled all over the bed, hidden my a mess of blankets, and her head under the pillow, her bed resembled much of the room she refused to clean when she had the perfect chances. The figures slowly, ever so carefully and quiet, glanced into the open room with eyes shining and evil smiles plastered on their faces. With tip toes, they made their way stealthily over to the bed.

In this light, it was easy to see who they were, if the girl was awake. One was the aqua-haired, leek loving teen by the name of Miku. The one next to her was none other than the red head, sake-drinking Meiko. And lastly, the banana loving blonde, and the twin of the sleeping girl, Len. Miku slowly raised her hand next to the pillow, only to reveal a blowhorn.

_**BEEEE!**_

The blonde in bed jumped several feet into the air, landing not in bed, but beside it on the hard ground. A small growl escaped her lips as her blue eyes opened, showing none other than those three snickering at her misery. Maybe this was why they invited her? She grabbed the blowhorn from the aqua-haired "bitch" and slammed her on the head with it, before giving Len the same treatment. Meanwhile, Meiko was left alone.

"What the HELL?" Rin glared at all three of them, rubbing her head to hopefully rid of the ringing in her ears. She was definitely awake now.

"We warned you, Rinny-chan~" Miku sang in her high-pitched voice. Her smile drove the anger deep inside of said blonde. Her head turned towards Len.

"And you were part of this? To think you'd be so mean," she growled, getting up after rubbing her head. All they could do was snicker.

"Well, she did warn you," He laughed, enjoying being the younger brother again. The twin huffed, feeling her heart flutter so suddenly. She missed this kind of treatment, being able to joke around with her friends. Well, maybe not when she was the one being picked on.

"Yeah, Yeah," she mumbled, pushing her group of friends out of the way as she got up from the ground beneath her.

"I guess you have to go with us to the carnival now~" That was Miku again. Rin sighed, pushing them towards the door to get them out of there.

"Well, let me get changed!" She growled, closing the door on them. But her heart started to drop dead. Right before the door shut, she saw her brother and the one she hated more than life holding hands. Alone in the room, with the sound of the group's laughing heading downstairs, she let her head hang. Bangs covered those blue eyes of hers, hiding the tears that started to form and fall down the sides of her cheeks. That hand clutched her chest, as if her heart was exploding.

Why couldn't he just love her back?

0o0o

With the sound of Meiko's black mustang locking, the group of several people walked into the gates that led into the winter Carnival. This group, you ask? It included none other than Kaito, Miku, Mikuo, Meiko, Rin, Len, and Teto. Kaito was talking to himself about different ice cream flavors, wondering what possible new creations they'd have here this year. Miku and Len held hands, talking to each other and laughing with one another. Teto was ahead with Meiko, leading the group with pride and a swing in her step. Mikuo kept near his sister, giving the evil glance of doom every once and a while to the blonde boy.

But the poor girl Rin, she walked slowly in the back of the group, looking down at the snow beneath her. Her heart started beating, twisting, turning, and doing strange leaps and flips. Her thoughts were full of nothing more than the torture that she believes God had given her.

"What's wrong?"

Rin nearly jumped out of her skin at the sudden interruption of her thoughts. That voice was cool and calm, almost nonchalant. But there was just that single edge of emotion that set it aside from being completely cold. Her blue eyes looked up to see familiar aqua hair, but it wasn't anything that set off hate.

"It's nothing, Mikuo," she turned her head to the side, wanting to avoid any eye contact. She didn't know him well, besides name and relations, and it wasn't someone she'd open up to easily.

"Come on guys!" the group called from the distance.

She felt Mikuo's' hand ruffle her hair, and Rin could only huff. His smirk was clearly visible on his face as he started to catch up with his sister. What gave him the right to do that, anyway? A glare started to emit from her blue eyes, but soon disappeared as she was dragged by the arms by Teto.

0o0o

The winter carnival was, well, breathtaking. Many booths stood line in line, with little red lanterns hanging from them. Each of these booths held games- from coconut toss to balloon pop- even the dunk tank was out and optional, which was surprising for the fact it was winter. Two Farris wheels stood tall, only next to the freefall tower. There was the occasional roller coaster here and there, and the crowd was just huge. The planners must have outdone themselves this time. And the lights weren't even on, yet.

"Wow..." Teto just gasped in awe at the large carnival. "What should we do first?"

Eyes glanced around, here and there, wondering about what to do. Many cheers rang out from the small group of visitors.

"I think we should go to the Merry-go-round!"

"No way, that's lame. We should go to the freefall!"

"I think the roller coasters are better. I wanna ride the Tornado!"

"Well, I think we should go look at their ice cream," All eyes turned towards the blue haired man, glaring.

"No way,"

"That's really lame,"

He huffed, his cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk as he pouted childishly. "I thought it was a good idea."

Everyone continued to argue over what ride to go on, before everyone just started to split up. Meiko took her way to the alcohol booth, while Kaito started to dance for glee at the ice cream shop. Teto headed straight for the coconut toss, hoping to win one of the great stuffed toys. However, Miku and Len had teamed up on their siblings, grabbing them by the arms and dragging them through the crowd of many people.

"Woah! Where are we going?" Rin spoke out as the two were dragged by their own relatives.

Miku pointed ahead of them, where the line wasn't as long as most would think a ride would have been. "Over on the freefall," she cheered. Rin could only gulp, and tried to pull away from the grasp of her brother as the four got closer to the ride.

"No way!"

Mikuo, giving in and no longer being dragged, couldn't help but smirk her way. "You're not afraid, are you?"

She glared at the boy. "Never,"

Rin didn't realize how wrong she was. The line was too short for her liking, and quickly they were seated on the horizontal line of chairs- with Miku next to her boyfriend, and Mikuo next to Rin. As the harnesses were being lowered, she could only grasp them for dear life. Slowly the seat crept up the tower, ever so painfully reaching its top point of seventy feet. The blonde's heart was beating wildly with fear as her arms kept tingling from anxiety. And then she screamed.

The seat dropped quickly as if a string that held it up was cut. It was so fast- how the horizontal seat dropped towards the ground below. But it stopped suddenly, and started climbing back up. Rin squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to suffer anymore of this. But she squealed again when she seat dropped. It was for a shorter amount of time, but still scary.

"Please make it stop," she whispered to whatever God lay in the heavens, tears starting to gather at the corner of her squeezed-shut eyes. "Please make it st-AAAH~"

It dropped again, stopping five feet from the ground. And higher it went once more, reaching the top of the tower once more. The blonde barely responded by looking over, seeing Mikuo's smirk as his hand rested on hers.

"You're not scared, are you?" He asked in that voice of his. Her glare increased, a shade of pink forming around her cheeks.

"Not in the slightest!" She wished her words were proven right, but as she looked down to the ground, it started to grow closer. Wind rushed through her hair and her face as she shut her eyes, squeezing the hand that still stayed in hers. She wouldn't have noticed the aqua haired boy's face grow a faint shade of pink.

0o0o

She stumbled off the ride, falling to the ground and kissing it immediately. "Oh sweet ground~ How I've missed you~"

"It wasn't that bad," Spoke the twin brother, grabbing Rin's arm and pulling her up from the street. As she managed to regain her composure- dusting herself off and calming down from the slight fright- her hand found its way to the back of his head. The sound of the impact was easily audiable.

"What was that for?" he winced, his hand rubbing the point of impact. His blue orbs reflected the abused puppy-eyed look. But this didn't phase her as she returned a glare with eyes so identical.

"You know I can't stand those kinds of rides," She responded with a sharp tongue.

"Oh, so you were afraid?" Mikuo stepped closer, standing behind Rin with his hands in the pockets of his jeans. His head was near her ear as he asked, causing her to jump back in slight shock, followed by a glare and the faint shade of a hidden blush.

"Was not," she growled.

"So it wasn't you screaming your lungs out?" the aqua-haired boy smirked, ruffling her hair and her white bow. The blonde beauty looked away pouting.

"You can't prove a thing," was her response.

He smiled, whispering in her ear. "Are you sure about that?"

0o0o

"We are NOT going on this ride, either!" Before the line the group of four was in, was the thing that many had called and labeled the Tornado. It was the roller coaster with the most violent twists, turns, and not to mention drops. Many people were screaming who were currently on the ride, and those who were finally allowed off could barely walk in a straight line. Rin gulped, turning around.

"Are you afraid?" Mikuo could only joke once more. Rin stopped in mid step, growling and turning around.

"I damn hate you," She whispered, walking back to the line.

And once again the cycle starts. The group of four teens sat in their seats, grabbing on to their harnesses as the safety rails were lowered. It didn't seem like long until the soft sound of chains dragging the coaster up a steep hill, leading to the first large drop. Rin quickly closed her eyes, trying not to show the fear on her face. Her knuckles turned white as she hung on to the harness.

"Dear lord," she cursed. The coaster slowly stopped, and she dared to open her eyes. What she saw next completely shocked her. The wind rushed through her golden locks as the coaster let gravity take over, rushing it in the downward direction. Her head started beating in her ears as she shut her eyes. The motion of spinning around and around easily got her off guard for the second climb and drop. But this time, she screamed, clinging to the person next to her without thought.

"Get me off this thing!" she whispered as the ride continued to spin around and around, making the blonde girl giving out an occasional squeal. Mikuo looked at her before smirking through a small shade of red.

"You are scared, aren't you little mouse?" he joked. Rin growled, pushing away from him before shutting her eyes at another climb. The coaster teetered and tottered at the top, making her hold on for dear life.

"Okay, yesI'mafraid," she whispered, trying not to squeal. At least until the ride gave one last final fall before leaving to a fall. Slowly it stopped as the seats started to rise, allowing Rin to safely open her eyes without the fear of another drop. She jumped up, running to the floor and waiting for Len and her own green enemy- waiting to give them a special punch in the back on the head. Little would she realize the hand that held hers during the ride.

0o0o

The group of four, after much arguing and violence- mostly Rin abusing Len in such a loving way, and our dear Mikuo making fun of Rin for being so afraid of such little things- they managed to get here. Where was here, exactly? Well, "here" was at one of the booth attractions. To be more specific, something called Coconut Shy. Apparently, it's a dollar for each throw. You are given one ball, then you throw it at coconuts that set of pedestals in a line. Knock over the coconut, you get three dollars in return. Easy, right?

"Damn you thing!" Rin called out, throwing her fifth ball.

Apparently, it wasn't the easiest thing in the world, ne?

"Come on Rin. It's obviously a scam," her brother had put a hand on her shoulder after she threw the white ball right into the center of the coconut. It had moved slightly, but remained in place. She growled at the thing, slapping down another dollar on the booth. The salesman seemed quite happy.

"Not until I get this thing knocked over!" The persistent blonde grabbed the ball, knuckles turning white, and threw it with as much force as she could. In the way only animators could get correctly, it bounced off the coconut, off the roof of the booth, and managed to hit Rin on the hand.

"Damn it!" she screamed, waving her hand up and down. Those blue eyes of her looked up, about to glare at the coconut, until-

"I got it!" she cheered, hand-pain forgotten, seeing the brown nut being knocked over and now resting on the floor. The salesman, his smile not one bit faltered since he had earned a profit from the stubborn young girl, handed her three dollars in return. He smiled, looking right at Rin and speaking in his best voice.

"Well, that was a great shot! I bet you could manage that ag-" He blinked before he could finish, seeing the girl being dragged by the hand away from the booth by both the boys. He shook his head in disappointment, going back to his regular customers.

"I could have gotten it again!" Rin growled, now at the point of walking with the four instead of being dragged. Len turned around, pointing a finger at his sister.

"That thing was a scam," he lectured, soon getting his finger bitten by the childish older sister. He winced, pulling his finger away and glaring at his sister. Of course, Miku made a huge fuss about it. But that didn't catch her attention.

"That wasn't exactly what I'd call 'nice'," Rin heard the a certain brother of the girl she hate speak sarcastically. Her first reaction was that she glared at him, once again seeing that smirk of his. Was he going to do this forever?

"Well, he knows I don't like his nagging," She half-lied. Yes, she didn't like the nagging, but it wasn't something she'd want to live without. Who else could she ignore? She shook her head as she saw the others ready to leave, getting ready to go with her brother and his girlfriend. But a hand on her shoulder stopped her.

When Rin had turned around, she still saw that smirk from the aqua-haried before it pressed softly against her lips. Red rushed up her face in a flood, but it was over as soon as it hard started. Her mind traveled wildly. At first, she wanted to punch at him, but as she thought about it, maybe she liked it? But didn't she like her brother? It didn't matter, she finally decided. In fact, she actually did like it- no, him...

0o0o

After all, things started to get dark. It was now when the lights started to shine, from the rides themselves to the red lamps that hung from the booths. Right now, the group was finally all together after a long, and rather energy wasting day. Miku looked over to her sweetheart, giving him a peck on the cheek as every single person- Meiko, Kaito, Rin, Mikuo, Teto, Len and herself- sat in the hills up towards the top of the carnival. Her greeness smiled as her boyfriend gave her one in return, before pointing a finger to their siblings.

Turning around to look, Len would see none other than Mikuo holding his sisters hand. Nothing close, but enough to give away the hint. He smirked inwardly, knowing everything would be working out today.

_Today, I managed to find some new love. I'll admit, I was a bit skeptical at first. I mean, I was still head over heels in love with the one that would never return my feelings. But that day, when he turned me around, giving that smirk that I new I inwardly loved, that's when it changed me. In his own way, he showed how much he cared about me with a simple kiss. And in that way, I managed to move on._

_How little did I know things would grow to be much worse. In the way only God loves, torture would wash over my pain more than any physical wound would. And to be truthful, I wanted so badly to end it all. And God forbid, I was ready to die. I was ready to end my life. I was going to end my life, not that anyone would care._

_

* * *

_

**Alright, so I managed to post the next chapter in.. what.. a few days? Don't expect much in the next week or so, when I'm busy with a project. **

**:3 And~ I'm holding the next chapter hostage. 50 reviews or no chapter 8 for any of you!**

**Anyway, I know this is rushed, but I would have never finished it if I didn't rush. So please, ignore it. But I will tell you what happened. Rin fell in love with Mikuo. Whether it was a real love, or some reason a horrible trick **coughittotallyiscough*, they fell. But as in the end, not for much longer. Oh... read to find out!**

**EDIT: Wow... How the HELL did THAT happen? First person in the middle of a 3rd person paragraph? I need to get my editors on task. Dang. Well, its fixed now.  
**


	8. Rain and Storm Clouds

**Rin's POV**

My world was ending so quickly. How could I tell?

Here I stood, sixteen feet up from the cold, concrete ground on the top of my school's gymnasium building. No one was here to notice me as I hesitated, my feet waiting anxiously at the edge of the tall structure and my eyes looked downward to my destination. There was no one to witness my cries or my screams. No one but the cold and pungent January wind, who would only take it away in the end.

Above me, the clouds covered in such a gray manner, letting themselves cry tears of freezing water instead of the usual white snow; poor heavens. I had lost my ability to cry long ago, so I couldn't bring myself to let loose tears now. Instead, my heart started to grow cold and numb, along with my limbs. My blue orbs- those of which whom have lost their shine- closed, allowing me to think. In the course of a month, I had lost everyone. Mikuo, all my friends, even my dearest brother- I had lost all their trust and everything they had in me.

_"It's a pathetic world I live in, with hopes and dreams being nothing but a paper boat floating in crashing waters. At first, you think it'll keep you up and alive, out of the cold and violent waves that start reaching its sinful arms in a desperate attempt to reach you, but then you realize that you were only going to crash anyway, and you had no way out. The boat that you took such pride and faith in was just disintegrating beneath your feet. Then you start to panic and scream as if this wasn't supposed to happen. But we all know that paper sinks. It may float at first, but it always sinks sooner or later._

_There were only two choices left: Either just sink in the boat of untrue dreams, waiting for what is- in truth- inevitable, or just jump into the cold and relenting world without hesitation and quickly greet what is awaiting you."_

I chose to greet it this time.

How could have it gone from carnivals and love to this attempt at suicide? Easy. It all started with the stupid big mouth of some God Damned person. And their peeking eyes and ever-growing curiosity.

0o0o

On my desk in my own bedroom rested the small journal that had only been recently written in. I had kept it closed, hoping that whoever would mindlessly enter my room- which happens more often than not- would mind their own business and leave things alone for once.

So, with those matters over with, I headed downstairs and into the living room. Len's girlfriend would be over again today, which didn't bother me as much as it once had- even though, mind you, I still felt a small sting of jealousy; I mean, she had gotten the boy that I've always wanted. And speak of the devil, he was here watching tv with a bored expression, his hand running through his hair- note: he wasn't wearing his ponytail. Well, that wasn't the norm.

Inwardly I smiled, ruffling his hair which gave me a grumble in return.

"So, where's Miku?" I asked, curious. You rarely see the two separated.

"She's upstairs, getting a game from my room,"

"Not Grand Theft Auto!" I faked a gasp, getting the idea from our hidden 'twin telepathy'. He nodded, giving me some kind of smirk. You'd never thought Miku-

"Who knew childish Miku liked violent games?" He voiced my oncoming thoughts. I gently smacked him on the back of his head.

"Stop reading my thoughts," I pouted, puffing out my cheeks. Soon after I walked into the kitchen to grab what I came down for: the heavenly orange fruit from heaven. Slowly I peeled off the nasty skin to reach the sweet, juicy core, and threw the peel expertly into the trash can.

I smiled, biting into the sweet treat as I headed back up the stairs, not really thinking but rather savoring the flavor of the orange. On the way up, I passed Miku. At first, I didn't realize anything different- she seemed like the normal, obnoxious aqua-haired girl I knew. So I continued on my way, two steps at a time, and opened the door to my room. Slowly I picked up my journal, not thinking much of it, and started to write about how much of a love sick girl I was.

But now, when I look back on that time in my life, from atop the roof, I remember her eyes. It was so much like mine most of these years, the way they smiled, but continued to hide a dark secret. I didn't realize what she was hiding then... But the door to my room was closed, and I don't ever remember closing my room, which was odd.

And my journal was resting on the floor.

* * *

One foot hung over the edge, urging the other to follow with it. The rain was pelting down coldly, probably with the edge of hail. I let my wet, blonde bangs cover my eyes as thunder and lighting flashes behind my back. Normally I'd be running, screaming, hiding, being afraid. But what use was it now, can you tell me? I was ending it all soon enough. Why would a simple lighting strike change that?

_On top of the roof__  
The air is so cold and so calm__  
I say your name in silence__  
You don't wanna hear it right now_

_The eyes of the city__  
Are counting the tears falling down__  
Each one a promise__  
Of everything you never found._

Colorless, shine-less eyes that belonged to me opened once more, taking in what I hoped to be the last glimpse of my surroundings. Grey... it's so fitting.

* * *

I frowned, groaning. Sunlight flooded to my closed eyelids, making them turn red and ruining my perfect dream of me and a certain person. My body tossed to the left, then to the right in the sheets, messing them up and unsuccessfully trying to keep the light out of my dream time. And when I couldn't find any sleep, I let out a disappointed growl.

My body snapped up from the bed I was previously resting on, and headed towards the dreaded window. I pulled at the orange curtains to cover the window, the gateway of my opponent, and nodded in approval when the results were one I could live with- the room grew suddenly dim. Satisfied, I climbed back into the bed, closing my eyes and thinking of the aqua-haired boy...

At least, until another source of interruption made my blue eyes snap open, and made a grumble escape my lips.

_**Beep! Beep! Beep-**_

I pressed the snooze button that belonged to the annoying alarm clock, whom was public enemy number two, hoping it would shut up. Nothing happened, to my extreme dismay. So I pressed it again. And again, nothing had happened. Not one thing. Slowly I rose out of the bed and from out of the covers, crossing my arms and pouting. What did I do? I glared at the evil machine coldly.

"This is war," I spoke, launching myself at the beeping machine. It wasn't long after the violent punching from me and the screaming from my opponent that the fight had ended. The cursed thing was long dead now, but for some reason I was wide awake. To be perfectly honest, I didn't know who had won. It wasn't important, I finally decided, shrugging.

With a quick change into the school uniform- a gray pleated skirt and white blouse- and with a quick brushing of my bright, blonde locks, I added my signature bow and headed down the stairs, smiling. Into the kitchen I walked, grabbing an orange from the fruit island on the kitchen counter. As I peeled away the skin and bit into the fruit, I started to wonder. My eyes scanned the area, trying to confirm my thoughts. My brother wasn't down here yet, which was strange, seeing how he was never one to sleep in on school days. Well, now that I think about it, he wasn't really one to sleep in at all.

Shrugging off the fact, I picked up my orange backpack and started upstairs. Lazy or not, I didn't want my poor brother to be late to class. My hand reached for the doorknob, turning it slowly to open the pathway into the clean and clearly vacant room. Hmm, this was definitely strange.

"Len?" I called out, heading back downstairs. Looking around, I tried to find as many places as he could be. I was wondering where he ran off to, until my eyes met the red numbers of the electric clock. School started at seven forty-five. That gave me... only a half hour!

"Oh shit," I exclaimed, opening the front door and running outside, slamming it behind me. My legs carried me as fast as I could fly to the city bus stop. Being late normally never bothered me, to be honest. But something else deep inside me bothered me. Why would Len leave me behind so coldly?

He's never done that before.

0o0o

The bus ride was long, but I managed to tumble into the first hour class before the bell that signaled the beginning of the school day. Catching my breath, I led myself to my desk and too my seat. The atmosphere around me was heavy with strange silence and anxiety. Usually the class was goofing off, never quieting until all energy was completely vanished. But today was different. Why did it feel like all eyes were on me?

Things started to calm down once Kiyoteru Sensei walked into the room, ignoring his tardiness and using the silence as an opportunity to get started on today's lessons. Slowly I took out my notes, feeling some relief as the glares started to ease and the tension started to let up. My eyes glanced to the aqua-haired girl beside me, who was acting as if she was into the lesson. The next second, I could feel my phone go off.

_To: Rin Kagamine__  
Subject: Bitch__  
Message: ): Wtf were u thinking?_

I continued to read the message, over and over again. My mind tried to recall what she was possibly talking about. Without getting a single clue or hint, I slowly started to text back, hoping to get answers.

_To: Miku Hatsune__  
Subject: ?__  
Message: What r u talking about?_

I looked to the side of my eyes, watching the girl beside me put her hands under the table, typing away at the buttons with great speed. It wasn't long until I had gotten my reply.

_To: Rin Kagamine__  
Subject: No Subject__  
Message: Dont go faking it._

By now I was confused. What did I do that could possibly keep her from talking to me? For as long as I knew, Miku Hatsune had been trying to get on my good side for eons. What could possibly change that? Did it have to do with the strange atmosphere only minutes ago? And what about all those stares I had received from the class? I just couldn't fathom my situation here.

"Eh-hm. Miss Kagamine, your phone?" In front of me stood the current instructor, his hands outstretched to take away the device. I looked around, seeing all eyes once more on me. People bent over in a whisper, taking to each other as if I had some sort of disease. I might as well have in this case.

"Miss Kagamine?" He asked again, hand still outstretched. Slowly and hesitantly, I put the device in his hands. I felt like I wouldn't need it for a while, anyway. With it he went, back to the front of the classroom. Even though the attention was laid off me once again, I could still hear the whispers. I kept myself close to my center. Was I paranoid? What the hell did I do? I received no answer. I stared at the board, but nothing made sense. And most of the same happened the rest of the hours before lunch.

Nothing but rumors and distrust.

* * *

I could of sworn I heard you call my name, but I couldn't care less right now. You didn't care when I first called your name. You didn't care when I tried to be around you. It was you who ignored me and shunned me in my greatest time of need. Tell me now, Len, why would you care now? Why did you fucking choose now of all times when I needed you- when I wanted you?

_You open your eyes,_  
_But you can't remember what for._  
_The snow will falls quietly,_  
_You just can't feel it no more._

_Somewhere out there,_  
_You lost yourself in your pain._  
_You dream of the end,_  
_To start all over again._

It grows silent again, the only sound being hail, rain, and thunder. Did I really hear you call my name? It doesn't matter anymore, anyway. See, it's too late for me now.

* * *

Relief started flowing through me when the lunch bell rang. People had finally gotten up, talking about lunch instead of 'Rin Kagamine'. Yes, I had over heard some of their conversations, though I only managed to get my name, and maybe hints of Len's too? I shook my head, taking the thought away. Now wasn't the time to think about it. Slowly I headed out the door of my fourth hour, heading into the table that my friends and I always sat at. Meiko, Teto, and even Neru were there waiting for me (which is, again, strange since Neru almost never sits at the table).

Slowly I took my seat, looking at my friends whom, in return, gave me only a mixed expression. What it seemed to be was anger, disappointment, and maybe a hint of confusion? I sighed, taking out my lunch.

"So, is it true?" Meiko asked, her elbows resting on the table and her head resting on her hands. She looked almost calm, as if expecting any answer.

"Is what true?" I asked.

"Haven't you heard the rumors going around?" Teto piped in, slightly surprised I haven't heard anything yet, especially since it seems to do with me. I shook my head.

"Someone said that you and Len are together," Neru said in a calm fashion, looking at her cell phone every once and again. What was she doing? Tweeting?

"And did, well, you know," Teto said, making sure no one was listening. I started coughing, choking on the bite of a sandwich that I had just bitten into. Of course it was dang true, but who spilled it out in the first place? Only I knew what happened! Well, besides Len, and my journal. I looked at their faces, each expecting an answer.

I opened my mouth to say something after managing to clear my air tube, but I didn't give them an exact answer. "Who started it?"

They shrugged, all but Mikuo, anyway. I could see him behind my friends as they turned around to look at him. The aqua-haired boy, he was different. The fun loving boyfriend I knew was now hidden behind such a serious face. My blue eyes met his teal ones, and for once, I saw nothing but pain and betrayal in his eyes. And it wasn't a question either. He _knew_.

"It was my sister who found out you did such a thing," His eyes narrowed. The atmosphere around him was strong as I felt oncoming waves of such a strong emotion. It was just crushing me.

"But Mikuo-"

"It's the truth," that wasn't a question either. I didn't say a thing. I could only turn my head away in such a mix of shame, embarrassment, and regret. Mostly regret. No words escaped my mouth. Nothing.

"I see," he spoke.

I could feel them all starting to walk away from me. They just got up and abandoned me. The first few drops of clear, salty liquid started to fall down my eyes. The pain started to come back in such waves, such spikes and such knives, such poison. I couldn't grab a grip on reality anymore. I didn't care if people stared. I didn't care if they continued to whisper such terrible things about me.

In truth, I was nothing short of a monster.

A beast.

A murder.

* * *

It's time to let go. I let myself jump over the edge, leading me down, down, down. I can feel the cold wind rushing into my face and the wind blowing back my hair as I continued my freefall. I smiled, remembering one last thing in this dimension of slowed down time. before hitting the ground like a ragdoll.

* * *

When the final bell rang, I didn't know if I could even cheer at that. My face, I managed to fix myself up so I did look somewhat presentable. The truth still continued to spread, but I couldn't care less right now. Up I got from my seat, grabbing my backpack and putting the accursed notes and homework into it. Everyone continued to avoid me like the plague, but I had already grown used to that in a few hours time. Who I really needed to see right now was someone who would stand by me during this time.

I needed by brother.

With some renewed hope, I gathered the pack on my shoulder, walking outside the classroom too look for that one like I always did. I made my way through the crowd, looking in the usual units for his blonde hair, but he wasn't visible. It brought me back to those times. It brought me back when she was first there.

_"I could feel my eyes strain to see my brother as I walked through the crowd of students eager to leave the school grounds for the weekend. But he wasn't where he usually waited. Strange... Slowly, I made my way around campus, trying to find the one I usually catch up to right now. It grew easier to focus as the millions of people left, but I still didn't find Len._  
_My stomach turned. Was something wrong with him? No, surely he was fine. He's never been sick before, and he'd never had a reason to get into a fight. So why did I have this strange feeling something was wrong? That voice screamed in my head to stop looking and go on home without him._

Please! Please just go home!

_I shook my head, too stubborn to give up. I couldn't understand why I wanted to go home alone all of a sudden. I didn't expect anything, really. But more importantly, I never expected anything like what I found. By the lockers- that's where my heart shattered into millions of pieces. By the lockers is where I felt my world turn upside down, despite any of my own warnings. By the lockers is where fate decided to reveal its true nature,"_

That same voice told me to go home. But I wasn't madly in love with my brother anymore, at least to the point I couldn't move on.

I continued to walk, looking for the ponytail that could only belong to my brother. And when I finally did find him in the classroom of Gakupo-sensei, he was only staring out the window. The cool breeze reached him, and I could see in his reflected blue eyes that something was indeed wrong. My legs brought me to him, where I put a hand on his shoulder.

"What's wrong?" Something was up.

"You," he grumbled, without looking. My heart started to beat faster as I saw tears run down his face in the mirror's reflection.

"Me...?" My voice asked without my mind thinking. His head snapped towards me, bringing even more memories: _"Yet at the end of the fight, you could only stand up, and start screaming at me. Your face, it was full of nothing but shame and anger and so many emotions that I couldn't fathom- nor have I seen before- and you sent them towards me. I couldn't understand your words, but I could feel my eyes widen with fresh, burning tears. I realized how much you cared about her...And how little room you had in your heart for me..."_

"Why did you tell her?" He half-sobbed, half-screamed. I tried to defend myself.

"I didn-"

"There was no other way she could have found out," He grumbled, walking past me. I could tell- he could care less if he cried. But he came out and said it before walking out the door.

"I fucking hate you,"

* * *

The last thing I could feel was my knees taking such an incredible force and the chilling wind crushing down on my chest.. The last thing I could see was the raining sky- the clear liquid turning redder and redder. The last thing I heard was the sickening cracking noise of bones. The last thing I could do was smile- smile at the thought that everyone would be happier now that I was gone. Thunder and lighting flashed the ground around me as my body hit the cold concrete.

_Maybe Len would be able to love again with me gone. _That thought alone could fuel my happiness.

* * *

_There's no money. There's no possessions, only obsession. I don't need that shit. Take my money, take my obsession._

_Because everything is nothing, and emptiness is in everything. This reality is really just a fucked up dream. With the flesh and the blood that you call your soul. Flip it inside out it's a big black hole. Take your money burn it up like an asteroid. Possessions: they are never gonna feel the void. Take it away and learn the best lesson The heart, the soul, the life, the passion._

* * *

**And there you have it folks, Chapter 8!  
And just to tell you, I spent an hour of homework time of this. I hope you're happy! =D**

**No worries. This isn't the end. There will be more chapters, so don't think it is the end. =O**


	9. First Truth Revealed

**Important Information: **My editors had quit, so I had to get new ones. Welcome to Rikkio and Rinno. =D To show how much I appreciate them, I made them guest star in my story...  
~points to Rinno~ She made me do it!

Anyway, WOOT! 5,173 words by itself! =3

Read and Enjoy. DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!

* * *

_Beep. Beep. Beep..._

_It never ends. That sound, that beeping sound, it won't end. It's annoying, but at least I know, somehow, that I'm alive. But for how much longer...?_

_Beep. Beep. Beep..._

I didn't want it to go this way. When I had jumped off, I had expected that to be the end. The sickening cracks, the rain turning red, even the lighting that flashed behind me. I had thought it all to be the act that would take me away from all the suffering, as stupid as that sounds. But now, I knew it didn't work. Either I was too evil for Heaven or too damned good for Hell. But here... I didn't want to be alive much longer. Everyone I knew either hated me or abandoned me, leaving me in such a state of pain.

I could only sigh inwardly, lifting my eyelids open; they were heavy, almost burdening. They felt like crushing weights, almost like an anchor made to hold down a ship. It wasn't exactly worth opening my eyes, anyway. The walls around me, they were nothing but white. The windows in the room were covered, and what I managed to see was only the rain pelting down from outside. The lights were dim, and it was so dead silent. I couldn't hear a thing but this stupid machine. And around me, the place smelled completely of sick people. I let my nose wrinkle. I hated hospitals will a passion.

It hurt too badly to move any part of my body, so I just continued to lay motionless. There was this thing on my face, something I so badly wanted to remove, but I realized it was the thing to keep me breathing. Oh well, I'm sure no one would really care if I removed it, right?

Slowly my head turned to the left, an effort in itself, seeing none other than some man in a white coat walk in. He looked at me, smiling, trying to make me feel welcome. How was I to feel welcome in a place who ruined the chance to end the cycle of suffering? I let my head turn to look at him, watching as he looked over the chart in his arms.

"I'm glad to see you're awake. We were afraid you weren't going to recover. Some nasty fall, I can see that. But still," he mumbled, "You're not quite supposed to be awake so soon,"

If glares could kill, he'd be dead on the floor by now. Wasn't that the fucking point? I kept silent, not really sure if I could talk through this machine right now. But I was distracted when the doctor poked in in the side. I hissed, letting a small whimper escape my mouth from the sharp pain. What was he trying to do? Help me or harm me?

"Your ribs are pretty badly broken," He tried to explain to me. Something in my mind told me I didn't care about this crap as I rolled my eyes. "The surgery managed to stop the broken ribs from hurting anything vital, but it won't recover for a while now," Then he gently tabbed my knees with some strange, metal thing, and the same pain rushed up and down my nerves. I winced.

"Your knee caps also shattered from the force of impact of hitting the concrete," He paused for a second, looking back at his chart and writing down something with his pen. "It's a good thing your friend found you, or you wouldn't have been so fortunate,"

I gave him my quizzical stare- a raised eyebrow with a confused look. What exactly was he talking about? My friend? Last time I had checked, everyone had abandoned me. So what 'friend' would want to save me after that? He must have gotten the message, as he opened his mouth to explain.

"The aqua-haired girl... Miku, I think it was. She said she saw from a distance. You were up on the roof, looking over the school until a flash of lighting shocked you. You fell off the roof after a little scare," He let me sit there as I thought about it.

It was a few minutes of silence. I didn't realize he left the room, however, when I finally got the story soaked into my brain. My head found its way back onto the pillow, letting me rest. Miku, that bitch. She must have been watching the thing happen, that much I knew. I closed my eyes, wanting sleep. But before it could rush over me, something, a last thought, passed my mind that would haunt me for a while. After all, if she saw what happened, why not just tell people I tried to commit suicide?

"Why the fuck would she make up something like that?"

* * *

**Len's POV**

I held my head in my hand, trying to rid of the massive headache that took over me. Where was I, exactly? I was sitting on my bed in my own room, trying to make sense of things. First of all, Miku had found out. She had found out about that one night. I remember that scene all too well, to be perfectly honest.

0o0o

_It was the day before I left Rin alone to find her own way to school. It was morning, about six fifty, and I was sitting in the classroom. Reading. At least, until the one that used to be the girlfriend walked into the door. Curious after hearing the door open, I looked up, smiling when I realized it was the aqua-haired girl I had fallen in love with- as corny as that might sound. But that smile of mine soon disappeared when I immediately say the hurt written on her face. Worry flooded over me._

_"What's wrong?" I asked, swiftly getting out of my seat and walking over to the girl I loved. I let my hand rest of her cheek as my other hand wiped away any tears that found their way down the side of her angelic face. "Did anyone hurt you?"_

_If they did, they'd get a free ticket to meet the Devil. But instead, she forcefully snapped my hands away from her, as if I was burning her. Something was going on._

_"Why did you?" The sense of betrayal was clearly shown on her face. What was happening?_

_"What did I do?" I asked, honestly, earnestly. Her words, they were confusing me. I felt her hand slap the side of my face as hard as she could as the clear, liquid tears continued to steam down her face at a rapid pace. My hand immediately went to the area of impact, where it stung. She seemed to lose her control now._

_"You know what you did!" she cried, looking at me with renewed hatred and anger. "Why the hell did you sleep with someone else? Not to mention her, you own fucking sister!" My eyes grew wide with new realization. But how, how could she have possibly found out about that incident? No one else knew but... but Rin..._

_"Why did you...?" she asked. I couldn't say anything._

_"You bastard," she spoke as she realized I wasn't responding, poison and hurt seeping through her voice as she ran, tears streaming down her face. But what else could I do? I was frozen in shock of what had happened. Slowly, I let my head hang, the bangs covering my face. What was I to do now? I sat back in the desk, letting new tears fall down my face. Why? Why did you betray me, Rin? You were the only other one that knew. Now, I've lost the one I loved..._

_All because of you._

_0o0o_

_The final bell rang. People got up, grabbing their stuff, but I couldn't quite leave yet. I was letting my mind wonder, hopefully getting some answers to the million questions that roamed through my mind. I didn't blink, knowing that I might start tearing up if I tried to keep my eyes moist. Today, so many people avoided me. Even some of the friends that I used to have. I mean, some stayed by me, including Kaito, but most avoided me like I was the swine flu or something._

_But my attention was soon grabbed when I heard footsteps enter the room. From the window I could see the faded reflection of none other than the twin I was forced to be with. I could feel wet, warm salty liquid spill over the rim of my blue eyes as she placed her hand on my shoulder._

_"What's wrong?" I knew she was concerned, but then again, I couldn't care less. She shouldn't have told anyone what happened in the first place._

_"You," I heard myself grumble automatically. It seemed too much like the truth. I looked into the eyes of her reflection, seeing her shocked face._

_"Me...?" she asked, acting confused. I stood up from my seat, knocking her hand away instantly. I let my face look directly into hers as the hate and anger rushed into me at once. My heart started to tear._

_"Why did you tell her?" I felt myself scream. My breaths became irregular as I felt myself lose all control._

_"I didn't-" You fucking liar. I brushed myself pass her, not daring to look into her eyes anymore. Why should I? She took my love, my dignity, even my friends away from me. She was the only other one that knew, and now everyone did. I let the words escape my lips._

_"I fucking hate you,"_

0o0o

I looked outside the window, seeing the sun setting for the second time since that day. It was getting dark so soon. I couldn't stop myself from worrying about my younger sister. I just couldn't hate her forever; instead, I could have sworn I loved her, now that I wasn't so blinded by Miku.

But that wasn't the case right now. Rin never showed up at home after our little encounter after school. The first night, I had thought that Rin had been over to someone's house, maybe trying to keep some distance between us. That's what we used to do when we got in a fight. We'd keep some distance and make up. But when she wasn't home the next morning, we- our parents and I- got sickly worried. With combined efforts, we tried calling everyone we could think Rin would run to, but no one had seen the blonde girl since Friday after school, before the rain started.

Nausea built up as my twin didn't show up during the next afternoon. She didn't show up last night either, and that's what gave me the second headache. I couldn't understand why, but somehow, I felt like something bad was going to happen. Or maybe something bad already happened. And, to be honest, it somehow made me feel so guilty.

I let myself rest, sliding into bed and rested my head on the cold pillow, hoping the phantom feeling would just disappear soon. My hand reached for the lamp as I turned it off, letting darkness envelop the room.

"Where ever you are," I silently whispered, "Please be safe."

0o0o

_**Beep! Bee-**_

My hand rested on the snooze button of the alarm clock as my body found its way upward into a sitting position. I withdrew my hand, letting it fall into my lap. Sleep refused to come to me last night as I tossed and turned in bed. Guilt and worry just continued to hound me over and over again, forcing me to keep my eyes open. A sigh escaped my lips. I needed to find Rin soon, before I die of anxiety.

I let my body up from under the covers, heading to the dresser to change out of the orange pajamas I often wear to bed. My mind was on automatic as I thought of more important matters. How the hell was I going to find my sister? No one knew where she could possibly be. Sure, we could have called the police, but they didn't want to seem to help much (which got me. Isn't that their job?).

My eyes looked outside the window that I had been pondering at last night. The sky of this Monday morning was cloudy, cold, with the scent of rain. It would be hard to find her in this weather, that's for sure. I shook my head; now was not the time for such thoughts. Swiftly I put on my raincoat, grabbing an umbrella just in case. I kept my phone handy in the pocket of my jeans as I headed downstairs. It was quiet.

Mother and father were probably at work by now. Bless them- even when my sister disappeared for a couple days, they managed to keep working for the rest of the family. My face grew serious. I had to find her, no matter what. Grabbing the spare key, I walked outside, making sure the door was locked behind me. The last thing we needed was a thief wrecking the house.

The umbrella opened, covering me from any of the light sprinklings that fell from the sky above. There was still one person who'd help me, I'm sure of that. Set on my decision, I started walking down the sidewalk.

The rain that had started off so quietly started to increase into a downpour by the time I had gotten to the bus stop. It was unusually empty today, seeing how the streets were usually full of crowds and people trying to get to their next stop. I couldn't understand why, but something was bothering me. As if something was going to happen today. Whether or not I knew what was going to happen, however, I didn't have a clue. I didn't even know if I liked this feeling or not.

My thoughts were interrupted the the introduction of the bus. I sighed, walking onto the vehicle that would lead me to school.

0o0o

"Oh, come on man," Kaito, one of my only still-loyal and understanding friends, cheered in. The blue haired man and I sat on the rooftop as we usually do when there's nothing interesting to do during lunch, watching the other students and mostly the sky and the clouds. Let's face it. Without Mikuo's stupid nature or small pranks on the fellow students and senseis, there was nothing really funny to laugh at, or anything really happening. So, we just sat here.

"What do you want me to do?" I asked, looking at the friend of mine who held the ice cream in his hands. It was shocking, seeing how skinny he was compared to how much ice cream he ate daily.

"I donno," he admitted, with mouth full of of the frozen treat. "But you guys can't just stay separated like this. Sure, one little rumor spreads around. But that doesn't mean you can hate each other forever," He swallowed the mouthful, looking right at me. I knew he was talking about Miku. Normally, this goof couldn't be so serious, but now, it was kind of hard not to listen to him. I sighed.

"It's not that easy, either,"

"Don't you want to make up with her?" he asked. That question burned in my mind.

"Of course I do, but-"

"But what?" He dared.

"It's not that easy," I said with some hesitation. The blue haired man was about to open his mouth, until the sound of footsteps made their way behind me. I looked up, meeting a smirk-smile hybrid in return.

"Well, well, well. I thought I'd see you both up here," spoke the blonde haired graduate, sitting down between us. He leaned back, resting his hands behind his head and watched the sky with those green eyes of his. To be honest, he looked a bit on the gay side, as Rin would say it. I sighed.

_Rin, where the hell are you?_

"What are you doing here, Leon?" The blue haired friend of mine asked the other blonde, snapping me out of my thoughts. He looked at the guy with semi-wide eyes.

"What, I can't visit my friends on occasion?" He asked, acting hurt. I could only roll my eyes- a habit I had picked up from Rin's own ignorance. I took the opportunity to join in the conversation.

"I don't even think you're allowed to be here," I turned to face him as he layed down, now looking at me. "At least not legally,"

He smirked, then continued to watch the sky. We joined him, but it started getting to quiet. It made me think, and when I started to think, I became emotional. Rin kept entering my mind, worrying me like there was no tomorrow. Not to mention the guilt. And then there was Miku who was bothering my mind. Part of me wanted her back, but I knew it wasn't going to be easy...

My head snapped around, looking at the two who were whispering to one another. They had that smile- the one Rin would wear when she planned something evil. I didn't know whether to be angry or scared. I raised an eyebrow.

"What are you two planning?" I was only answered with a nod between them.

They grabbed me by the arms, dragging me down the stairs and off of the roof. I squirmed, trying to get free, but the two older seniors wouldn't let me go. Yes, this reminded me way too much of my twin sister. But while part of me started to worry about her, another part of me, a bigger part of me, thought-

"Where the heck are you two taking me?" I growled, giving them my best imitation of Rin's glare. They didn't even flinch. I didn't receive much of an answer, much like the time before. Instead, I got a stupid grin from Leon and a thumbs up from Kaito. So, looking much like a shouta rape victim as many of the student body called it, I was dragged across campus.

So much for damned loyal friends.

I looked up, seeing the two older seniors open a door, before throwing me inside. Leon and Kaito, they stood with... Meiko, Prima, and Big Al? I glared at them, only seeing Meiko hold up a key, smirking. She gave us a small wave before the door closed.

"It's for your own good, kiddos," She said. Dang that red girl. She always treated everyone else like children.

I walked up to the now-closed door, trying the door knob. I tried to turn it left and right, but sadly, it didn't budge. I sighed, wondering what the fuck was going on. With no luck, I leaned against the wall, looking around and taking in my surroundings.

The room was pretty small compared to most classrooms, maybe holding ten students at best. Desks remained in straight rows, and the desk up front was neatly organized, as if this room was just cleaned. And looking around, I saw something more striking than anything. Or, more accurately, heard.

"Darn you Prima," I heard the familiar, high pitched voice growl from under her breath. Turning around, I saw the aqua-haired girl sitting down on the desk table, huffing and blowing and stay hairs that landed on her forehead and in front of her eyes. I didn't look away when she finally noticed me, only a minute or so later. There was a soft moment of silence.

"What are you doing here?" We both spoke at once. Not really a voice full of hate, but more of curiosity.

"Leon and Kaito kidnapped me, dragged me across campus, and threw me into this room," I spoke, deciding to answer first while rolling my eyes. I let my arms cross over my chest while I listened to her softly- and somewhat cutely-chuckle.

"Meiko was talking to me about going to the mall, and next thing I know, Prima grabbed me by the arms and just dragged me away,"

"Some friends we have," The sarcasm escaped my lips. We looked each other in the eyes, seeing a small glimpse of each other's thoughts before looking away. The air grew too silent, too awkward to really stand. I leaned against the wall, letting my index finger rub against my thumb- a habit I kind of developed. One I really need to get rid of. My eyes took a quick glance to the other person in the room, who was playing with one of her pigtails nervously.

"It's been pretty rainy lately, huh?" Wow, Len. That was the best you could do? That was dumb.

"Uh-huh," I heard her mumble her agreement. "It's really depressing,"

I looked up at the wall with my arms now crossed across my chest. My mind traveled. "It's not that bad. I remember my sis and I always playing in the rain. It was actually quite fun," I looked at her, smiling and melting the wall that stood between the both of us. "At least, until I got the cold," I heard Miku give her adorable giggle, a soft laugh.

"You and Rin were pretty close, huh?" she asked, her expression softened but still serious.

"Yeah, we were," I let my arms hang to my sides again, and headed towards the aqua-haired girl. I let my hand lightly touch that hand of hers that was resting on the desk she was sitting on. I could feel my face grow serious as I looked deep into her eyes. The atmosphere grew quiet. "I promise, what happened between the two of us was an accident. It was caused by the drinking contest everyone forced us to compete in, remember?"

Her face suddenly turned a soft shade of red as she looked away. I grew a bit puzzled, until I heard that certain laugh that caused me to smirk. She was embarrassed, wasn't she?

"Heh, yeah. I guess we shouldn't have done that," She looked back up, looking into my eyes. But I gave her every bit of truth I could in this small staring contest.

"I promise it was never supposed to happen," I spoke again, spilling out my emotions into my words, hoping to reassure her. I let my hand move from hers to the side of her delicate, angelic face. "I want us to be together again," My lips hung only a few inches from her, allowing enough room to escape if she truly wanted to.

"Please," the whisper escaped my mouth. I could feel her breath as she leaned forward, ready for a kiss. Our lips brushed together softly, lightly, but didn't quite connect. But that was about to change as I was about to close the distance between us.

There was a racket from behind the door. We turned our head, hearing the sound of slamming on the wall and eventually a battering ram, making the door burst open. Inside walked two figures, both in the uniform of cops. One had a nice form- dark, almost black eyes with beautiful, reflecting brown eyes. It was almost captivating.

Yet on the other hand was a girl with almost an equally nice form, with bright, blonde locks. Her deep cerulean eyes were so jolly. But one thing ruined her beautiful nature... the fake mustache she wore above her lips. If it wasn't for the guns each of the police woman held in their pockets, and the official badges the first girl held out, I could have never taken it seriously.

"My name's Rikkio," spoke the dark haired girl, putting away the badge. She walked closer to the two of us, with her mustachio partner following behind. "And this would be my partner, Rinno," Her glare hardened as she watched us, carefully.

"LAS VEGAS POLICE: We have come to ask questions," The blonde spoke, all seriousness alive in with a fire in her eyes burning. She was kidding, right?

"But, this is Japan," Miku's voice piped in, curious about what all this was about.

"I don't care what F'in place this is, I like to say that!" the blonde cop pouted and huffed, crossing her arms in such a childish manner.  
Rikkio coughed, getting back to the subject on hand. "Yes, well. We've been investigating the attempted suicide of a young girl that goes to this school,"

My eye grew wide. An attempted suicide? "W-who was the girl?" I asked, afraid of the answer I was about to get. I should have never dared to ask. The blonde face grew dark and dramatic as she spoke, giving the smallest hint of sadness.

"Kagamine Rin," Was her words. I could feel my eyes water as I tried to take in all the information that came into my mind at once. My sister... why did she try to commit such an act in the first place? What would have sent her over the edge like that? But more importantly, was she alive? Or... or did the worst already happen? I couldn't fathom. I turned my head to the aqua-haired girl, who looked away, avoiding anyone's eyes.

I knew that look.

I turned back to the police. But my eyes could only turn back to see none other than the aqua-haired girl behind me. I could feel the tears run down my face in such a flood as Miku looked so innocently guilty. I hated how she tried to look so angelic at this moment. I snapped.

'What did you **do**?' I growled. I thought I had loved her, but after this happened with my sister... I started to lose my self control.

"I-I didn't know!" Liar.

"You kept this from me for **two whole days**! How the hell can I ever believe you? You bitch," I growled. To think I was about to make up with her, and she kept this thing secret from me... I could see the tears weld in her eyes as she told her story, not that I gave a shit about it anymore.

"I- I saw her after school on the gym building, when I was with my brother. It started raining, hailing even. I couldn't see her eyes, but I saw how hesitant she was. I screamed at her, trying to tell her not to jump, but I don't think she could hear me," She started sobbing right now. "When she jumped, I told Mikuo to call for help. I told the medics that she fell off the building after being scared by a strike of lightning when they arrived,"

I didn't want to believe she could be so nice. I looked right into her eyes, nothing but hate roaming through me. "Why didn't you tell me?" my voice was so soft, so shaky, I could feel it. My arms clenched tightly together. She continued to look away, with no reply. Either she wouldn't tell me, or she had no idea herself.

I saw Rikkio put a hand on Miku's shoulder, before giving her a long, analyzing look. "Honey, you should have just told the truth. It would have made things less messy that way," She smiled, giving the girl a small tissue.

But for me, I had enough. With hatred still running through me, I forced myself out the broken door, and off of the school grounds. Miku, you had pushed things too far. I don't care if you tried to be the hero here. You kept what was truly most important to me away.

0o0o

The hospital, it always had set me on edge. There was the smell of sick people that hung in the air, and the way it was always so dead silent, it just kept me on guard. The boring white walls, the white people in white coats, it was all too unsettling.

My legs moved forward in a rush. Rin, she was the only thing in my mind. I needed to know if she was okay. I needed to know if she was alive, or if she was on her last breath. The thought of her dying, in pain, it sent me going faster. I could feel myself go into a fast jog, before bursting into full speed. I ran past numbers, people, everyone. She needed to be alive. She couldn't be dead.

I wouldn't allow it.

My arms extended, my hands pushing against white walls, sending me left and right without faltering my pace. The hallways, they all looked the same, but that wasn't going to slow me down now. Not when the chance of losing my Rin was so high.

And when I did find it, I could feel my chest crush with such pain. The room was dim, with few of the lights on. Slowly my feet walked over, seeing what I didn't want to see. She was covered in bandages. Her face, her chest, her knees, everything was covered. One of her legs was bent slightly in the wrong direction, and her skin was so pale. Her breath was so shallow and silent. Only the beeping from the machine assured me she was alive.

I rested my forehead against hers, letting my tears fall freely now.

"I'm so sorry. Please, Rin. Forgive me," I whispered softly. "Please forgive your stupid brother,"


	10. Remember, Remember, the 5th of November

**Oh my gosh, what is- Oh, it's a shiny new update!**

**=3 The next chapter wont appear without you guys. 100 views or the deal is OFF! HURRR~**

**Anyway, one with the show.  
**

* * *

Remember, my dear brother?

The air was crisp and warm in the days of April. Blue and clear was the sky above us, with no clouds coming to block out the joy of summer, just like the our identical eyes. A soft wind blew through the chlorophyll -filled leaves of the trees that hovered just above us, housing the orange butterflies that we used to dance in. Remember, brother? The butterflies that danced in the clear sky? It was just like our young laughter.

The grass was nothing but blades of a beautiful emerald green, being soft and being a nice cushion to lay on in the yard, or in the park where we had happened to be. Those small blades of the green used to tickle our faces as we watched birds fly so carelessly above us, free from any harm or worry. We'd point them out, one by one, just enjoying the thought of them. Do you remember, brother? The soft blades of grass we'd lay in, watching the birds, wishing to fly? We never wanted to be bound to the Earth below us.

Remember how we were so small, probably only six or seven? We were new to this town, with new people and new faces with new streets and houses. We only knew each other and no one else, and that kept our bond strong- unbreakable. Here, in this park or anywhere else, no outsider could interrupt our closeness. Dear brother, do you remember those days?

"You're never gonna catch me!"

I remember those days well. Remember, remember.

"Come on, Rin! Slow down!" you called out from behind, huffing and puffing in your shirt and summer shorts. Even I was starting to grow slightly tired from the chase. I only gave my legs the extra power to move, while glancing behind me all the meanwhile. I let the wind run through my white dress from the speed. There was no way I was going to let the boy catch up.

"But that wouldn't be catching me!" I cried, letting my small giggles escape through my lips as I continued to push my legs forward.

Letting a small glimpse behind me, I let out a little squeak as I saw you running faster, gaining speed. Your hair was flapping slightly, only being held in place by the small ponytail that you held in your hair.

I tried to gain speed, to go faster than you possibly could and keep some distance. However, my face hit the ground with a thud and a skid onto the warm ground. I winced, feeling tears prick at the corner of my eyes as I tried to sit up. It hurt, I'll admit it.

At least, until I felt your hand on my cheek. You must have caught up to me.

"Rin! Rin... are you okay?" Even then, Len, you were so caring and protective of me. I looked up into your eyes, with my sight blurred slightly from the tears that threatened to spill over the rims of my blue eyes that you had once called beautiful. You looked so worried.

"I'm fine," I whispered. I could see it in your expression that you didn't believe me, but you take my hand. Slowly I try to bring my legs under me, until I started to put weight on them. "Ow!" I hissed, collapsing back on the ground with a soft thud. More tears started to appear on the rims of my eyes.

"Hold on, I'm getting Aunty Anne!" You looked at me, smiling softly and comfortingly. It sent such a small flutter in my heart. Dusting yourself off, you put your hand on my shoulder just before leaving. "I'll be right back. I promise,"

I never doubted you for a second.

0o0o

You had picked me up, bringing me over to the small patch of grass we used to lay in. Above that patch of soft grass was the park's great oak tree that offered shade and structure. I remember being set down gently as if I was nothing more than a delicate flower.

You were sitting right next to me, wrapping up that ankle that had been sprained. For the millionth time I looked into your eyes, trying to read your expression. But when you looked into my eyes, you could only send me that smile that sent butterflies flying inside me. I heard the small sigh on relief after you finished.

"You need to be careful," He ruffled my short golden locks of hair.

"That tree came out of no where and attacked me!" I pouted, glaring at the spot only a few yards away where I had tripped. "I swear, it's root just came up from the ground! It was plotting the whole thing!" You chuckled.

"It's true!" I said, raising my arms above my head and glancing at you, my brother. I could see your eyes roll at what I said. You spoke no reply, so I sat, watching the birds fly by in the clear sky above us. It was peaceful. A warm, and serene day.

At least, until the rustling beside me from you kept distracting me. I glared, looking at the cause of the destruction of the tranquility. "Len, what are you doing?"

In your hands rested a few twigs and bright green leaves twisted into a circle. My eyebrow raised as you placed it and adjusted it on my head, making sure everything was perfect.

"Len? Wha-"

"A crown for my princess," he stood up, bowing softly. I laughed softly, smiling.

"Len?"

"Yes, Milady?"

"Carry me to the swings,"

"As my lady commands," And when he looked up from his bow, his cute smile had got me for the third time then.

* * *

Remember, my dear brother?

The summer night as the darkness covered over the streets. Not many lights were on around us, so it was only you, me, and the stars. The stars that twinkled in the night sky, blinking and undying, standing out billions and millions of miles away. Stars- they were the only source of comfort from the darkness outside. Remember, brother? We'd look up, counting the stars and shining, smiling, reflecting them.

The grass around us was dark. The house behind us was dark, with its occupants asleep, with the exception of ourselves. The neighborhood stood silent as we continued to stay in each other's comfort, not letting the reality of the world get into our own. Do you remember, brother? We would always be connected, shining, revolving around the reality of the world while staying in our own; singing our songs that no one else could.

"They look so much like fireflies,"

I remember those days well. Remember, Remember.

We were sitting up against the wall of our backyard fence, hand in hand as we used to do every clear night, with you sitting on my left and I, on your right. My head rested on your shoulder as we stayed in the company of each other as siblings. I pointed to the dark shy above us, to the stars we so desperately wanted to touch.

"It's beautiful out here," I heard you whisper in awe, as I did, staring at such a majestic sight that we weren't able to see before. Only when we had the courage to sneak out on a clear night like these stars were we able to understand why the princesses in those stories mother told us made wishes upon them.

I could sense you smiling as I tried to reach the stars above us, but they were too high for the arms of my five-year old body. I pouted after feeling that I couldn't reach it, and that they were just out of my grasp.

"I want one," I whined, looking at their beauty. I wanted a star of my own to wish upon. I want a star of my own that I could look up into the sky for and I would be able to say 'that's my star. That's the one that will grant me my wishes.'

"But mother said we already had a star, remember," You said, pointing to the sky above us. I squinted, looking for it. My mouth made a wide smile as I saw it, remembering the story mother had told us.

"The Gemini Star, right, Len?" I asked. I felt you nod, as we continued to look at the group of stars that made two people- two twins- connected forever. They watched over the world from the sky. Even if they were separated by death, one twin was gracious enough to lend his immortality with the other.

"Len?" I asked, still holding your right hand.

"Hm?" You asked, turning your head to look at me.

"We'll be together forever, won't we, Len?" I asked, looking into your eyes, every bit serious. We were a bit young to promise such a thing, but one could only hope.

You smiled. "Of course,"

I sat up, holding my sole pinky finger up to your free hand. "Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise," You nodded, smiling. Our pinky fingers interlocked as we looked back up at the starts. It was beautiful. We promised we'd be together forever, didn't we brother? Why did that change?

Even if we are apart- split in two yet joined as one- we always make up that constellation known as Gemini. Even on the noisiest and more stressful days, or those quiet and lonely nights, just focus, and you'll feel my heart beat there.

Because we're Gemini.

* * *

Remember, my dear brother?

It was the story of a princess and her knight, who promised to be together. Remember how beautiful the princess always looked? With her long, beautiful, flowing hair and her gorgeous shining eyes. Not to mention the shape of her body was always perfect- not too tall or too skinny, and not too curvy nor a twig. She was the idol every girl has hoped for. And not to mention her singing voice. A voice just like a Fairy or even a Goddess. Do you remember, brother? You always called me a beautiful princess, answering to my needs.

"Come on Len~"

I remember those days well. Remember, Remember.

"I don't want to," You try to turn away from me, trying to flee from me. But I was persistent. I tug on your arm, trying to move you from the bed that we shared. Neither of us seemed to budge from the position that we were in, and I didn't like that.

"Come on!" I spoke, still trying my best to drag you our of the bed that your arms so desperately clung to. "You'd look so great in a dress! Princess Len!"

"I said NO, Rin!" You grumbled, using one hand to try and shoo me away from you. But even still, I was a stubborn six-year old. I continued to tug at your arm.

"But Len!" I grumbled, stopping for a moment to catch my breath, "I played with your stupid pokemon cards. Come on. It's mine turn to choose!"

With my breath caught, I continued to try and tug your poor, unfortunate soul out of our bed. With a groan, you started to roll over, falling onto the floor with me dragging you by your shirt sleeve, making little progress. Now that I think about it, you and me kind of switched personalities that day, didn't we?

"Stop being so heavy!" I puffed, trying to lift you up into the princess play set. You groaned, finally giving up and let yourself be lifted into the chair. I looked at your hair disapprovingly. You hair, it was all in tangles and knots and well, it was messy. I grabbed the brush from the stand in front of the mirror.

"Rin, that hurt!" You hissed as I ran the brush through your messy hair with much trouble. I pouted back at him, and went back to work, ignoring his whining. But even when the brushing was done, something was missing. I'm sorry, Len, but something was still missing on you.

"I got it!" I exclaimed, running into the bathroom real quick. I could tell you were slightly afraid of what I was going to do. I was back as quick as I could, a hair tie resting in my wrist.

"What are you doing?" You asked, starting to regret giving in so easily.

"Just trust me,"I started to take the back on his hair, putting it together in the shape of a small ponytail before finalizing it with the tie. When it was done, I backed up, letting him stare into the mirror as I marveled at my new masterpiece.

"That works!" I spoke, giving you a hug from behind as we both smiled into the mirror with goofy grins, yours still not so sure. But I admit, we look so much alike now, it was so hard to tell us apart.

And even through all these years, you never rid yourself of that ponytail.

* * *

Remember, my dear brother?

It was the first snowfall in November. The first snowfall of the year. Yes, the clouds were gray, but that didn't mean we would have to suffer sadness of another rainy day. These clouds were full of water that would soon fall from the sky, freezing over from the cold and landing on the dormant ground in a soft, white powder. The morning sun had forgotten to wake us up as we rushed from our beds, watching the miracle we call snow. Remember, brother? We'd watch the snowflakes dance from the heavens above as we wished to join them.

The snow that had already fallen was loose and comfortable, as it caved in and left a small footprint wherever we walked. Small icicles hung from the barren tree branches as we started to gather around the park. It reflected our every move, just like a mirror. And the ice, how's we skate around in it, letting it carry us from place to place without effort. Do you remember, brother? We would just let the ice carry us, support us and let us slide away without a single care.

"Len! Len! It's snowing!"

I remember those days well.

I grabbed your sleeve, pulling you over to the frosted window. Leaning forward, I let my hot breath take a moment to fog up the window before taking my sleeve to clean it. Outside, it was a pure winter wonderland, white snowflakes littering the ground. I just knew my smile would be ten meters wide. Turning around, I started tugging on your sleeve.

"We have to go outside!"

Before any protest could leave your lips, I grabbed your arm, heading the the stairs at a rapid pace, taking two steps at a time. With you still at my heels, I immediately run into the kitchen, tugging on mother's apron. She looked down at us, grinning.

"Morning you two," she said to us both, giving us that warming and tender motherly smile. I remember we both look up at her, using our best eyes.

"Can we go play in the snow?" I asked, putting my hands together in the best begging fashion I have learned.

"Please, mother?" you asked so politely, yet still equivalent to my dog-like begging. I could see her look up for a moment in thought as the silence filled the room- the only thing breaking it was the soft sound of sizzling bacon and eggs. I remember my heart beating faster, wanting an answer so badly. I mean, it's the first snow of the year!

And I could feel you only wanted the same.

"I guess it's alright," she said, dragging out the sentence as if she could change her mind at any moment. We cheered, holding hands and jumping up and down (well, mostly me). Once more I grabbed your arm, dragging you by the front door to grab our jackets. It was a speedy and sloppy process, trying to get all these layers on, but I needed the snow.

I let the door creek open, trying to step out, until mother's voice stopped us both.

"You better be back by one or your both grounded,"

0o0o

My legs carried me outside, gasping and giggling at the snowflakes that landed on my lashes and nose. I twirled around, laughing and dancing with the frozen rain powder, soon falling and landing in the snow with a soft thud. Some of the still fresh snow powder found their way into the air as I started to move my arms and legs, creating what would be the first angel of the year.

I was laughing. I was having a good time. I was hit in the face with a snowball. My body launched up from its place in the snow, glaring around me quickly as my head whipped back and forth, trying to find the source. A second cold ball of frozen water hit the back of my head, and I slowly turned around, seeing you. You were laughing so cutely. I stood up and looked down.

"You ruined my snow angel!" I growled at you after looking up once more to see your face. I could tell what was on your mind.

You ran as I grabbed the closest pile of snow, compressing it until it would no longer budge in shape. Then it was thrown to your fading seven-year old figure. But it didn't do much good. You fell as the snowball hit your back. Grabbing two more handfuls of the cold and compressing it once again, I headed into your direction at full speed, pelting you with my ammo.

You rolled, trying to get out of the way. I kept running after you as you managed to get back up on your feet, trying to keep some distance between us. It didn't change anything after I managed to tackle you, letting us slide in the cold ice beneath the snow. I held up a snowball, now only being a few feet in front of you.

"Rin! I was just kidding!" You flailed, waving your arms in front of you. I still threw the snowball right in your face. And, I laughed. It had looked like some clown had thrown a white pie in your face.

"Payback for the angel, jerk,"

I could hear a small growl escape your throat as you wiped off the snow and gave me the same kind of glare that I had given you from the beginning. Though I wouldn't have said it then, in the time of this memory, I could say in now.

Oh shit.

I got up onto my legs, trying to run from the new threat. I needed some place to run to for shelter. As I used the bark of a sleeping tree to turn the corner sharply, I could feel the force that was created from the wind of the snowball whirling inches from my head.

0o0o

We walked inside the house with a few minutes until one. I was shivering up until now, when I had stepped into the warm and inviting heated room. Slowly I had shrugged off my jacket, hanging it up on the coat rack, with you doing the same. Though you didn't look to happy.

"Did you really have to do that, Rin?" You asked, hurt and betrayal reflecting in those blue eyes of yours.

"Do what, throw a snowball at you?" I asked, sticking my tongue out at you teasingly. You only responded by crossing your arms.

"There was a rock hidden in it," He starting, rubbing his forehead. "And you hit he in the face," he winced.

"I'm sorry," I said, walking up to you. Mother always used to kiss our hurts, and it always seemed to get better. So I leaned close, pressing my lips against his forehead. I could feel my face heat up, And quickly backed away, not sure if I liked the butterflies flying around in my stomach.

"Better?" I asked, trying to keep my voice calm. You only nodded, your cheeks flushed as well. Brother, sure, we had some fights, but it always ended well. You always made sure I was happy. Maybe it's time I did the same for you.

_Remember, Remember, the Fifth of November..._

_

* * *

_

I could feel my eyelids flutter slightly as I slipped back into the world of reality. Everything was still so dark, so cold... wait... my eyes were closed. I tried to open them, but they were so heavy. They were so heavy, and I honestly did not feel the drive to open them.

What had happened. Where was I? Apparently I wasn't dead. But I wanted to be.

Wait, did I really want to be dead? I tried to remember as the flood of current events washed away the old ones. Mikuo, my friends, but most importantly Len... they all left me to suffer. They had found out that accident that had happened. In an effort to escape... I jumped.

It was such a cowardice act, I realize now. But, that pain...

It came back rushing to my heart. I had tried to end the world, but it remained the same. They tried to save me by putting me in this hospital, but, I was only left to suffer in the end. I was left to suffer the loneliness and the cold of the dark as the pain would flood through my chest like physical waves of pure acid...

...I hear sniffling...

...It's not coming from me...

Slowly I try to open my eyes with newly found curiosity. Slowly, weakly, I turn my head to the left and away from the bright sunlight. The walls, they were so bright, I couldn't see. My eyes burned with my sight being so blurred. But, when I tried to concentrate, I some a figure that was so familiar to me sitting in a chair beside the bed.

"Hn," I groaned in a whisper, trying to force my body into an upright position. My head was throbbing from the sudden amount of movement. But as I looked around, I noticed the figure turned its head to me, its body rushing over to me. I felt someone's hand on my face, gently against my cheek.

"Rin?" I heard that voice. Looking up, I saw none other than-

"L-Len..." I whispered softly. I could hear him sigh in relief as his arms wrapped around me, gently yet firmly. My body was frozen in shock and confusion at the fact that he had said in his own words that he hated me. Why, why would he be here?

"I thought you wouldn't make it," I could feel his voice waver as he held be tighter against him. I felt warm, wet tears fall from his face onto my skin. Hesitantly, I lifted my arms to run it through his hair. His lips were against my hear as he breathed in a steady pattern, trying to calm himself down.

"Rin... Miku, she... I...," there was a pause that stopped my heart. "Rin, I'm so sorry,"

He pulled me out of the warm hug to look me in the eyes, wiping away tears I never realized washed down my face until now. "Rin, I don't hate you,"

…"I love you,"


	11. アルファおよびオメガを接続する

**It's finally near done, but its not over yet, folks. Keep reading. THERE'S IMPORTANT INFO BELOW!**

**Oh, and before you ask, the title means "Connect the Alpha and Omega."  
Alpha means beginning, and Omega means Ending.  
So, the title really means "Connect the Beginning and the Ending"**

* * *

**Rin's POV**

… "I love you,"

He... loved me? I didn't understand, at least not completely. Even if I wanted it to be true- and how I wished it was- part of me just couldn't believe it would happen so suddenly. I tried to search him- his eyes, his expression, anything that might give him away, but it was all sincere from what I could see.

But that voice kept bugging me. He loved me it seemed, but in which way did he mean that? Did he love me as his sister, or was it the way I had loved, and still love, him? it was all to confusing to me, making my head throb and hurt. But at the same time my curiosity dangerously grew.

Before I could process any more information, I was pulled once more into his embrace; he held me as if I would vanish the moment he let go. And this time, without hesitation, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders in return. We stayed in each other's embrace, letting ourselves remember what was important and real.

I sighed inwardly, completely content and satisfied. It didn't matter.

My brother- I finally had my Len back. After all these lies, I had him back.

Our make-up session was quickly and abruptly ended by the sound of a low, deep growl that echoed throughout the room. We spread apart, looking at each other. Sudden silence soon followed for a fraction of a second as our brains tried to understand what had make that noise. My face turned away and to the side as it most likely started to turn red. Stupid stomach. You ruin everything...

Len started to burst out in laughter, until I smacked him with my hand. My face burned hotter from the slight embarrassment. I mean, who wouldn't be embarrassed in such a situation?

He gave me that same hurt expression as when we were kids- the same expression as from my memories- with those beautiful blue eyes of his.

And I laughed. And for once, it was real.

His hand found its way into my hair, ruffling it and causing my locks of hair to go every which way. I pouted in his direction, but to be honest, I was glad to have him here, by my side, able to mess around like this. Even if he wasn't mine.

And for once, I was glad that jump didn't take me away.

At least for now.

My stomach annoyingly grumbled once more, demanding its needs to be satisfied. I looked up at my twin, who only smirked. The same smart-ass smirk that just made me melt and drove my insides wild. I could feel my face growing hot, but the oblivious sibling of mine didn't seem to notice. Thank God.

"You heard it," I said, changing the subject. A smile couldn't be stopped from finding its way onto my face. "Time for food!"

His only response was to shake his head at my silliness, whispering something with the word 'Rin' and 'Baka'.. And my only response to his response was to cross my arms, waiting impatiently.

"You're missing something, Rinny," He smirked, waiting for something. What was I supposed to say?

"Now?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

"_Rin_," he groaned.

"Fine," I sighed, obviously getting nowhere in this situation. "_Please?"_

"Please _what_?" He continued to press. This was getting on my nerves. I rolled my eyes in his general direction.

"Will you please get me some food?" I asked as politely as my irritated tone could accomplish. I was stuck in a hospital and my brother was still insistent on making me learn my manners.

"As you wish," He said, walking out the door. I couldn't help but smile as he did.

But that didn't last long.

As soon as he had left the room, I could feel that smile of my falter and begin to lose its ground. I couldn't truly understand why, but this new feeling started to rid itself of my happiness and instead turn it red. This red- this red being nothing but cold hate. But I just woke up, and I just began to realize I had my brother... why...?

That's when it hit me.

I had been chasing him around for a long time, and I had been living in his shadow. And when that bitch Miku came around, she took him away from me. And when I cried, he only asked what was wrong. He had never guess or thought of what could be making me upset.

Or, what could have been breaking me.

And when those rumors spread, he blamed me for ruining his life. His life. Not the one I was about to waste and throw away...

...By jumping off that building.

I'm- I am so confused! I knew Len had left me to suffer, but it wasn't his fault! It couldn't have been his fault. He never knew about any of this. I never told him. He wasn't the one to blame, right?

Right?

My mind screamed at me, trying not to blame my twin brother, but the poison that dipped my heart was winning this battle. Because, in the end, I love him.

And I hate him.

I love the blonde haired twin of mine with everything I ever had. I'd gladly die if it was for him and his happiness, as I had tried and luckily failed to do. However, this new rage inside me that formed in the heart, it loathed him with the same amount of worth.

Because while he laughed and lived his life, I could only cry in torture.

Warm liquid washed down my eyes and along my face, slowly at first but gaining speed, blurring my vision and my throbbing head. Did I love him? Did I hate him? Or worse?

Am I just going insane?

My breathing became irregular, changing into chocking sobs as the salty tears rushed down my face, leaving behind a watery trail. So far, nothing had really changed, had it? I let my hands cover my face as I let out my loud sobbing find its way out of me, without anything holding it back. Not even when I heard Len's voice.

"Rin, I got yo-" his voice was cut off by the sound of a metal hospital tray hitting and clanking against the tiled ground. I could hear his footsteps rushing over to me. "Rin!"

I could feel his hands on my back and around me, trying to hold me without breaking my fragile body. But I still avoided his blue eyes' gaze. My body still trembled with the broken sobs as I could feel his warmth around me.

"Rin, what's wrong?" I knew he was glaring at me with the expression of worry. I could basically fell the waves of the emotion washing over me and covering me. "Rin, are you hurt?"

That was a dumb question. Not trusting my exploding mind, nor my sobbing voice, I nodded. Len, you'll never know how much I really hurt right now. And no amount of aspirin or medicine is going to change that.

* * *

**Len's POV**

With the tray of food in my hands, I walked down the boring, white hallway to Rin's room with all of my thoughts on overdrive. Why would my own sister- what would drive her to jump off the building so idiotically? But more importantly, and more confusing, why didn't Miku do anything to help...?

I could feel a sudden anger going through me once more at the mere thought of the teal-haired girl's name. And yet, somehow, something in my heart still beated for her. I would never understand why...

I shook my head, knowing that I had to stay calm and keep my thoughts at a minimum. After all, Rin was here and _alive_. A miracle in itself. Wasn't that enough in itself? I sighed. I needed to be happy, because I still had my sister. A smile found its way onto my face as I walked through the doorway and into the room, holding up the tray for a very demanding Rin to see.

"Rin, I got yo-" my voice grew weaker, fading away into nothingness. The twin of mine, she was sitting up on the hospital bed, her body shaking with every deep breath of a sob. Her hands covered her eyes, as I saw a few tears fall down the sides of her face. The metal tray in my hand clattered, falling to the ground with a large clashing noise. But even that didn't distract me in the least. "Rin!"

I headed straight to her.

My arms wrapped around her, trying to hold her steady. I couldn't quite fathom what was going on. It wasn't that long ago that she was her own demanding self, but now she was crying and shaking? Those blue eyes probably couldn't hold back the worry that I felt.

"Rin, what's wrong?" Could her medicine be wearing off? "Rin, are you hurt?"

For what seemed like the longest time, I could see no response. But the small movement of her head told me she was. The emotion seemed to grip my chest as I quickly tried to think of what to do. I didn't want to leave her again, not when she was in such pain, but I had no other way to get her what she needed.

"I promise I'll be back," I told her, running my hand through her hair and trying to calm myself down. My lips found their way to her forehead, sealing my promise, before I once again rushed out of the room.

0o0o0o0o0o0o

It wasn't long until I was sitting in the visitor chair, silence filling the room, watching my sister sleeping on the hospital bed. Another empty sigh escaped my lips as I looked out the window, looking out the the streets below. My thoughts needed to be straightened, and I guess now was the perfect time to do so. It was only a week until that certain day- an expression of love and an expression of happiness. Valentine's Day.

And who else would come to my mind, besides Miku?

When we first met in front of Luka's house, I was completely captured by her beautiful appearance- her long teal twin tails, her lean frame, and even her smile. Her immediate kindness towards Rin had caught my attention right away as well. Not to mention her grace as she walked away, like a swan in water.

Back at the school, what's where she had trapped my heart, but then I didn't mind, not in the slightest. But now, I wonder if I had loved her for her beauty or for who she actually was.

I wanted to scream _'I love Miku for Miku, damn it!'_

And I'm petty sure I did. I loved her bell-like, soprano laughs, those small hugs and butterfly kisses we'd always share, her company that I couldn't live without, and her forgiving, compassionate nature.

"Len..." Rin's voice whispered in sleep so softly, almost inaudibly, distracting me from my current rush of thoughts. My head turned to see my dear sister, who remained asleep. She looked so peaceful, with her expression relaxed and content. The tips of her soft, pale lips of hers were bent slightly in a small smile. An empty sigh escaped my own two lips.

Miku, why did you lie to me about such a thing?

One of my hands ran though Rin's soft, silky blonde locks of hair as my own mouth started to twist itself into its own small smile. I watched her as she slept- her breaths being even and easy.

But through it all, I could feel my heart constrict at the thought of how she ended up here, in this white and dull hospital. My muscles tightened as this new desire- this new feeling- rushed throughout my body. I didn't quite understand it, but I felt this... thing was taking over me. A desire to protect Rin.

Like a knight sworn to his princess.

"I promise I wont let anything happen to you. Never again," I whispered to my sleeping lady.

I'd have to end it with Miku. Officially.

* * *

**Rin's POV**

It had been one hell of a hectic day.

"Finally!"

The time had come. The moment I had waited for all my life. Who knows how long I had been waiting for this exact moment to arrive and happen? All I know is that I had been waiting forever.

"I finally get to go home! Goodbye Hellhole!"

At least since I was in the hospital.

"Rinny, calm down," My mother was here to pick me up- out of this dull, dreary, deathtrap-of-a-hellhole place. Len and father had decided to stay behind at home, probably waiting for my arrival, but I only shrugged inwardly. More room for me in the car.

"How can I?" I called to mother from the back seat, almost to the point of bouncing up and down from a hyper rush. "I had been in there for eternity, I tell you!"

I could almost feel that motherly glare burn into the back of my skin with both a commanding and worried aura. One that would normally send me into a state of stillness. But this- there was no way to contain me now. I was free from that... evil place!

A sigh of defeat escaped my mother's lips. "Just be careful. That was still a nasty fall,"

Yes, we actually went with Miku's story, even if that slut was a lying bastard. And yes, Len told me everything. I always knew that tealed-hair girl was nothing but fucking trouble.

* * *

_"Len?" My eyes were weak with the effects of slumber as I opened them. A small yawn escaped my lips, along with drowsiness as a small stretch found it ways coursing through my stiff muscles. Looking up, I saw Len looking out the window with his handsome yellow bangs slightly covering his eyes._

_The thoughts of the last few months once again rushed through my weary mind. How I had managed to hide my love for him, my own twin brother, but managed to claim him as mine. Then how that tealed-hair girl showed up and ruined everything. I remember the sadness that courced through me that drove me to the ends of the world._

_But I also can remember Mikuo, the one who I had managed to fall in love with, and helped me live some of the happiest and brightest days of the dark death. But then those days collapsed and disappeared after Len and my secret had founds it way._

_And how Len had said he hated me. Everything of me._

_"Heh. Glad you're awake again," I felt his hand gently ruffle my blonde locks and run it through my hair softly. However, still half of me, dazed from my thoughts, let a very daring question escape from my cursed lips._

_"Why aren't you with_ Miku_?" My voice spoke with such bitter venom without my permission. The hands of mine found their way immediately to my cursed mouth, preventing any other regretful words from escaping them. Saving myself from any other mindless interruptions._

_His blue eyes grew wide, I'd imagine from the shock of me asking such a stupid and mindless question. But I wouldn't have expected him to show the hurt feelings reflected in those beautiful blue orbs of his. After all, he had chosen her over me millions of times. Why now, of all times- how is this any different, dare I ask?_

_I could see his eyes grow ever darker. "She," he paused, probably trying to find the right words to speak. But what could he say that would make me hate him any more that I already do? What could he possibly let escape from his lips that would make my love for him diminish?_

_I waited for an answer from him._

_"She lied to me," My twin spoke softly. What gave him_ that_ clue? But I let him continue, not interrupting with my mental sarcasm. "She told me nothing about you, when I had been searching for you for two days without end,"_

_Len- he had been searching for me? Why?_

_"She lied about you when you nearly died," I could see the tears form around his blue eyes that made my heart ache and burn from the guilt. His muscles tensed as he glanced back outside the window, those bangs of his covering his eyes once more, as if trying to hide the tears. His voice grew harsh, trying to contain the anger that arose from him. "That fucking Bitch. Rin, I am so sorry,"_

_Slowly I sat up from my position on the hospital bed, taking in all he had said to me. Wait... he just called Miku a bitch, didn't he? I let the building chuckle escape my lips. That caused him to look at me, confusion in his eyes and an eyebrow raised in my general direction. I let my smile shine through._

_"Any enemy of the slut is an ally of mine,"_

_He smiled at me, going once more to ruffle and mess up my beautiful hair. With skill I used my good arm to block his assault, stopping it all together. At first, he looked shocked, but a smirk soon replaced his features. A chuckle erupted from his throat, one that simply sent chills down my spine and sent me melting._

_"I guess you're right, imouto,"_

_

* * *

_  
I smiled, bouncing in my seat as the house appeared in my sight. Never before had I realized how nice it was to have such a nice place. A white house, slightly bigger than an average house, and not to mention two stories. The roof had turned a nice copper-red color over the years, and gave it a nice autumn feel, one that just stands out beautifully in the sight of winter.

It was a nice house to have, even as night began to fall over the sky. The red roof lit up with the setting sun, giving it a heavenly glow.

The car started to slow down in the driveway right next to the house. It drove me wild inside, knowing that every second was another second I wasn't in MY room, lying down in MY bed, eating REAL food and enjoying a REAL life! I just couldn't take it anymore.

And as the car's frantic roaring died down, I jumped out of the seat and out of the car, launching myself to the door.

"Home!" I yelled, launching myself inside, despite hearing my mother's protests. My feet carried up in a hurry up the steps, two at a time, leaving behind a large stomping noise, until I had finally reached my destination. In front of me was an orange door with white letters on the front, spelling out nothing other than my own name.

My hand turned the doorknob as I ran inside, jumping onto my fluffy bed and blanket, snuggling into the scent of clean sheets and the feel of furry blankets. I laid there, feeling how comfortable the mattress was, compared the the rock they called a bed back in the hellhole.

It was surely home sweet home.

I grabbed the journal that rested next to my lamp, that happened to be on my homework desk that rested beside the bed. I sat up, still in the comfortable position of resting on my God-blessed bed. I opened up the page to the nearest one, starting a new journal entry.

"What a great gift to have," I started out, reading as I wrote. It was a dangerous habit, since people could overhear, but who gives a damn. I'm BACK HOME! I didn't give a crap about it right now, to be perfectly honest.

"Mother told me it was Valentine's Day today, and it's been looking great. I managed to get out of the hospital, which was in fact old and yucky, and now, I am enjoying the luxuries mother has kept in my room. The fluffy bed, the room's nice passion fruity smell, it was all normal. Heck, Len's now mine again. Maybe as a brother, but still mine,"

My stomach gave out a stubborn growl as I thought about home. "And my tummy is craving the luxury of an orange. I shall be back!"

I put down the book of lightly used pages and the mechanical pencil, leaving them both open on the bed. I rushed downstairs, heading straight into the kitchen where I was met by a glorious smell that could only be described as Heaven's heaven... or maybe oranges. I glanced over to the stove where Mother had her apron on, cooking that was none other than the best thing ever- Orange chicken.

My hands rested over the stove as I tried to grab one with my hands, wanting to taste the deliciousness, until my hand was slapped away by a spatula.

"Food's not ready yet," Mother gave me a stern look, while I returned it with pleading eyes. But mother was mother, she knew what to expect. "There's oranges in the bowl on the island,"

And that's where I headed. I carefully pealed the orange as if looking at it wrong would make it burn and die. The skin fell into the trash as I took a bite, letting my mouth savor the tart juices of heaven. I let it stay in my mouth, eating it slowly.

Until it ended all too quickly.

Sighing at the fact my favorite treat was now gone, I let another question fill my head. I haven't seen Len at all. It was weird, seeing how he was being all protective of me at the hospital. Cautiously, with the feeling of doubt in my stomach, I walked over to Mother.

"Hey, Mother? Have you seen Len?"

Her response was not what I wanted to hear. "Um, no sweetie. Go ask your father,"

And so I did, walking down the hallway into the study. The study- many bookshelves covered the walls as a fireplace hung nearby to provide warmth in times like this, winter. Carefully I peaked in, seeing Father reading a book in a large, red leather chair by the fireplace. He had his glasses on and pushed up as I heard the flip of a page.

"Father?" I asked, walking inside. I didn't like this feeling.

"Yes?"

"Have you seen Len?" I asked, my mind rushing through so many conclusions. But it stopped dead when I heard what Father had to say.

"I believe he said he was going over to Miku's house tonight," He chuckled slightly. "It's Valentine's Day, after all,"

It was, wasn't it? With my mind blank and my mood ruined, I sulked back up the stairs slowly, trying not to let my tears fall like the times before. I entered my room, closing and locking the door weakly before falling onto the bed. But this time, I didn't scream. I didn't let the tears fall. Because, in the end, he still continued to choose Miku over me.

Sighing, I grabbed the journal, and began to write my 1000 ways to burn and die.

* * *

_~This is where I'd normally end a chapter, but this one is special. So take a breather, go rest and gather your thoughts. It ain't over yet!~_

* * *

**Len's POV**

Rin was coming home today, and my heart was filled with such joy that she was finally out of that place. Because, to be honest, it made me worried for her. Hospitals are where people grow sick and sometimes... well... die. And seeing Rin in such a state, it drove my insides wild. But at the moment, I didn't need to focus on this.

The sun was only a couple hours from setting. Soft clouds in the form of cotton candy formed in the sky with reflecting colors of orange, yellow, pinks and purple. It was fitting, seeing the day it was. A day of love, a day of couples, and a day of being in each other's company.

But that wasn't the matter on my mind, either. My feet were dragging me along the street, several blocks away from my own house, and now only a few away from the teal-haired girl. I let a sigh escape my lips. I could have asked Father for the car, or I could have taken the city bus, but I needed my thoughts clear.

"That and I'm fucking broke," I sighed, letting my hands feel my empty pockets. Empty, no change to be seen pockets.

My inner rambling was soon cut off as I came into sight of Miku's house. It was a pretty large house, larger than ours. It was a baby blue color, with a nice holiday red resting on the top. A few Valentine's Day decorations covered it up in front, along with a large heart and eight small angels that lit up the house. A soft patch of snow still covered the street and their lawn, giving the small, extra effect.

Sorry, Miku, but we had to end it tonight.

My hand reached for the door, knocking on it slightly. In my mind, I replayed the questions I were to ask my soon to be ex-girlfriend.

But I really didn't have to wait long. The door was soon opened, and inside rested the annoying older brother of Miku, who shared the same dark eyes and teal hair. His lean body was resting against the door with his arms crossed. He didn't seem happy to see me.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, his voice flat. But I wouldn't let this phase me.

"I need to speak with Miku,"

He seemed to wait, blocking the doorway, studying me for the longest time. It made me impatient, it made my mind rush with ideas of what was about to happen. But in the end, the brother of the girl I started to hate moved from the doorway, letting me inside their home.

Inside their home, it was nice, even for a one story. When one walks in the door, there is a small square of room, before leading into three places. One doorway right ahead leads into the red carpeted dinning room with a mirror and an oak dinning table, along with a clean, organized kitchen if one looks to the left.

However, leading to the left was a doorway that led into the main living room. Two chairs and a large couch sat in the center. On the wall hung a nice sized television, along with a few game stations underneath. A few bookshelves lined the walls, with one of them being full of neatly placed DVDs and video games.

And lastly, my destination. To the doorway on my right hand side is were I found myself walking. It led to a nice hallway, with a few family pictures hanging from the walls. Some were of places like Disneyland, and others were nice, dressed up professional pictures. However, if you continued walking, the hallway would lead you to two bathrooms, and three rooms. One was a master bedroom, one a nice room like mine would be.

And then Miku's room.

I knocked on the door that read her name with stickers in the shape of leeks. Slight anger rushed through me as once again my mind ran through what I had to do. I needed her so see that she wasn't good for me. More so, I needed to confront her about the many 'mistakes' she had caused, hurting my sister.

Hurting the one that lay closest to me.

Slowly the door was opened, revealing none other that the occupant of the room. Her expression, I couldn't exactly read it, but it seemed she knew what was going to happen. She didn't seem happy to see me, and that enough gave it away.

"Len?" She asked me in that sweet voice of hers, threatening to catch me once again. "What are you doing here?"

I let my hand rub the back on my head nervously, but my eyes avoided her. "I need to talk to you about something,"

She waited nervously as well, playing with stands of her long, beautiful teal hair. The same kind of atmosphere hung around us. We both knew what was coming, and we both knew we didn't want to face this. But for Rin's sake, I had to. I just hope Miku could understand that. Because, no matter how much anger I felt towards her, I just could let myself hate her completely. Part of my heart still had feelings for this girl.

And while part of me wanted revenge for hurting Rin, and to protect my little sister from any more harm, the other part of me wanted Miku not to be hurt and crushed, either. This was so damn confusing.

* * *

It took a moment of pure silence, but she soon moved out of the way in a similar fashion to her older brother, gesturing me inside. I nodded, walking through the doorway.

Her room wasn't much different from the last few times I had been here. Her bed was lined up against the right wall, with many teal colored blankets and pillows, along with a leek pillow, and the near-teal-blue bear I had gotten her for Christmas. Looking to the left was a small television, along with a Playstation2, and several other systems and games. I took a seat in one of the three chairs that lined up in front of it.

I could hear the soft squeak of the mattress a second later. Miku decided to sit on her bed, it seemed. We refused to look at each other, afraid to crumble and break down.

"How is Rin doing?" she asked, dropping to a barley audible whisper. The tones of sadness and guilt slipped into her words. My head turned to look at her, to see if she was serious. She was looking down, her twin tails drooping, almost like a dog in shame.

"She's almost done recovering," I spoke, keeping my voice flat. "She should be back home by now,"

"That's good," her voice was the last thing said before silence descended upon the place again. The atmosphere grew awkward, quiet, and impatient as we were waiting for the other to break first. "Len,"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry, for everything," She looked up at me, making eye contact for a split second, before looking back at the carpet that she found much more interesting. "I'm sorry for not telling the truth. I'm sorry for not saving Rin when I had the chance. And I'm sorry for spreading those stupid rumors. I know sorry isn't enou-"

"Wait," I stood up suddenly, grasping the chair as I listened to her words. I couldn't help but let the burning anger seep into my words as I glared her down. "You were the one who spread the rumors?"

She continued to avoid my gaze, but her voice was weak with sadness, and probably came with a few fresh tears. "I walked near Rin's room and saw a book open, so I got curious, so-"

"You looked into it," My anger didn't leave my voice nor my eyes. "There's a reason journals are private, Miku,"

"I know, and I'm sorry,"

"Sorry doesn't cut it,"

"I know that now," she snapped, lifting her head up instantly to look me in the eyes. My anger recoiled, turning into shock as my eyes grew wide. Her eyes were to the brim with tears and guilt, coming out in the form of force. I couldn't say a thing. "Yes, I'm a fucked up bitch. Happy?"

She started sobbing into her hands, the guilt finally crashing around her. And I couldn't help myself. I walked over to her, sitting next to her and putting my arm around her.

"It's still over, isn't it?" she sobbed. I slowly nodded, letting the silence answer for me.

Time managed to move on as we stood like that, frozen. Miku slowly cried her guilt away, with me seeing a new light. She was guilty, she felt sorry, and she knew her mistakes. But that didn't mean I was ready to forgive her. And she knew that. She knew I probably never would. And as her crying died down, I stood up, walking out to the doorway. But the teal-haired girl's voice caught me off guard once again.

"You love her, don't you?"

I stood frozen in place, but still turned to look at the girl. She was no longer sobbing, and looked at me with her most serious expression. I knew who she was talking about. The blonde girl who was the closest person to me in my life. "She's my twin. Of course I love her,"

"But do you love her?"

I shook my head. "That would be wrong,"

"That's not what I asked," she pressed on. "Do you_ love _her?"

I came up with no answer.

* * *

By the time I had gotten back home, it had gotten dark. The sun in the sky was gone, and the chill of the ending winter nights blew in the wind. Still, I managed to get home, with a haunting thought on my mind.

Did I love Rin?

I love her as a brother, and I kept telling that many times before. Loving her as anything else would be sick, wrong and disgusting. At least, I kept telling myself millions upon millions of times since that night on our birthday. But how could I know for sure?

Kiss her. On the lips.

I physically shook my head to clear away the thoughts. I would never dare to do such a thing. Because, if I did, what would Rin think? Would she think me a beast? A monster? A villain? I would not be protecting her, I'd be corrupting her to a sin that we should never commit.

I sighed, deciding to greet Rin. I didn't have the chance today, seeing how I had left earlier in the day. One at a time I climbed up the stairs quietly, careful not to wake anyone else in the household. I reached Rin's door, grasping the doorknob and pushing open the door?

"Rin?"

She wasn't here, but her room was out of place. Her lamp was smashed onto the ground, broken into many pieces of glass. Torn pages littered the floor around the overflowing trash bin, and left of her desk was her journal. With my name on it. Curiosity entered my system as I dared a peak at the words.

* * *

_'The date doesn't matter anymore, even if this was the date that expressed a person's love. You know as well as I do that it's that certain day... Valentine's Day..._

_I honestly wish I could tell you. I've been trying to tell you for so long, but I could never truly begin to form the words every time I actually have the perfect moment. Because I never knew how to tell you. I never knew how to express my words out to you without the fear of you leaving me, or the fear of you not understanding. But if I don't tell you soon, I feel like I'll just keep suffocating..._

_I am terrified now. I've been in love with you since I was fifteen, Len. Of course, you didn't realize. Instead, you sent those looks of love to your own crush, Miku Hatsune. Even with the green envy rushing through me, I understand why you loved her. I was not even thought of in your mind, being related by blood and all. But, you just don't understand how I feel, my dear brother. You just don't realize how much I loved you, and how much I longed for you to be mine. But that doesn't matter anymore._

_You see brother; there maybe be one way to live, but there are a thousand ways to burn and die._

_Every time you look in her direction, my heart slows dangerously. When you grab her hand, I can feel the blood in my veins run dangerously cold. When your lips touch her soft, pink ones, My chest constricts with pain that can only be described as rib-crushing. And when I see you gone at night, only to see you walk home with that sickening love-blind gaze and that remainder of lipstick on your cheek, when you walk around me in love, it just makes me shake and lose control over my own will to even survive. And the worst part is? I have to run and hide. I have to run and hide behind a mask of a smiling me. At school, at home, around anyone. The only time I can actually break down and vent is when I end up locking myself in my room. And even then, I can never cry it all away. I can only cry myself to sleep- where my dreams haunt me further._

_And I want to end it all. Truly, is it wrong to end it with my own hands? But I don't want to disappear from your lives, because you'll only mourn over me. That, and I'm afraid to die. I'm too weak to live, but too afraid to die. So what can I do but just sit here while you all watch me burn? Brother, I'll try to continue, for your sake. But, all I ever wanted in life was to be loved in return. So, until I can stop being weak- until I can stand on legs of my own- please, understand how much I love you. I love you more than a sister possibly could._

_That girl you hold? I wish that was me._

_The girl you kiss? I wish that was me._

_The girl who hides in her room and from the world? I wish I wasn't her._

_So happy Valentine's Day, my dear brother.'_

_

* * *

_

"Rin,"

The book dropped out of my hands as I ran down the stairs two at a time, through the hallway and out the door, swiftly grabbing my coat. Rin, how could I have been so stupid? My heart started to beat wildly in fear and in panic of what was to happen to my dearest sister.

Because you could never look me in the eye and tell me. And I'm sure if you did, maybe I would have pushed you away. But if you told me now, I could only embrace you. And how could I have been so oblivious and naive? Because look how much pain I had caused you...

* * *

**General POV**

She, with the blonde hair and blue eyes, walked down the street in the dark of night. The light poles along the street guided her path, but she couldn't see her light. No, you see, this girl had finally given up. She let the cold of the wind wrap around her and her hope, and she let the sun set without looking back. This girl.

Her name was Rin.

She had lived life in a shadow. She was the outgoing, cheerful and somewhat silly type of girl who loved adventure. But this kind of adventure made her face the effects of sadness and loneliness. Because, you see, she was in love with her brother.

Her twin brother, Len.

But even through all these years, she continued to love him in her own way, claiming him as her own. At least until a certain girl came around. That changed everything, sending her into that own pit. But she still refused to let go. Because, in the end, she still loved that boy.

And one day, she found her heart in another, one that one would claim to be ironically the right choice for her- the older brother of the girl Rin hated so badly. But her heart was once again shattered when a rumor went around. One that happened to be true.

The rumor that the twins had shared a drunken night together during their birthday.

She jumped off a building to end her continuous misery. But even then, fate had gone against her and made her live. But even then, she found hope once again in her brother. At least until today. Valentine's day. He wasn't home. He was at the girl's house, the one she hated the most.

So she wrote him a letter.

And now, she was finishing the last of her 1000 ways to burn.

Yet meanwhile, on her trail was a boy with blonde hair and blue eyes. The lights from the light poles guided the street with a light, since the moon was hidden behind the clouds, threatening to rain down. But this didn't bother the poor boy.

The boy being Len.

He had never known how his sister loved him in such a way, but he always continued to care for his twin. And in a way, she was his. But it was until they met a certain girl that this boy had fallen for. And they hooked up, always enjoying each other's company in the light.

He never realized that his sister was hiding in the shadows, crying her soul away.

And when the rumors spread, he only knew of one other that possibly knew of that one drunken night. Only his twin sister knew, and he had thought that this ruined his life. But he never saw how much more the world that belonged to his twin was resembling hell.

And what he told her was nothing short of hate.

And so she had disappeared for two days, and he had never stopped searching. Out of guilt, or rather out of love, he never stopped looking. He ran into Miku, almost made up. But when the health of his dearest twin came into question, he left without the slightest hesitation.

He promised to protect her, no matter what.

And today, the day she was due home, he left without warning to confront the girl he used to love. But instead was given a turn for himself. He was asked if he had loved Rin. And maybe he did. Maybe that's what drove the feelings in his heart.

But that wasn't the case now.

Rin looked up the clouded sky that now stood crying, reflecting the same kind of tears that fell down onto her face. Not that she could care now.

"I'm supposed to be moving on," she whispered to herself, walking down the street. Her head turned to look at the park where they used to play together, laughing and carefree. Without thought, her legs dragged her over to the swing set, where she sat, staring through the rain. Why did the times have to change?

Len cursed to himself, a mutter of words that escaped his lips as the rain started to fall down. He needed to find Rin, before the weather became too harsh to find her. He looked around, his eyes resting on the park where the twins used to play together, even if the shape was hazed by the drops of the rain. Slowly, he walked over, dazed by the memories.

Until he heard a certain voice speak.

"Rin, forget him. It's time to move on,"

Len froze, hearing the sound of his sister's voice. Quietly he walked over, the sight of the swing set growing in view, along with the sight of his twin sister sitting in one of the swings, staring into nowhere.

"Rin?" his voice called out from the darkness, walking over to his sister. She flinched at the sound of his voice, and looked away.

"I thought you were over Miku," she spoke, her voice like venom. But this time, Len knew why. He didn't flinch from the harsh words, but instead he stood behind her from the swings, wrapping his arms around her.

"I was. It just needed to be official," he spoke into his twin's ear, making her shiver. A smirk founds it way to his face as his heart started to flutter. Rin turned her head around, looking Len in the identical eyes of his.

"You read it," It wasn't a question. She knew that he had read it, because, in her mind, it was the only way he knew how to find her. He would have never read it if she had stayed at home. While something inside of her felt relieved that he had read her heart on the page, most of her was afraid of what he was going to do. She let her fears be voiced. "Do you hate me?"

Silence between the two stretched on. Only the sound of rain falling from the sky. But finally his answer was put in one simple word. "No,"

_Kiss her. On the lips. Then you will know._

The rain-interrupted silence stretched on as the two twins continued to look into each others eyes for the answers the they needed most. Slowly, ever so carefully, Len leaned forward, ready to close the distance between them.

A large clash was heard between them, along with the quick clash of lightning. The blonde girl jumped at the unwelcome sound, closing the distance between them and leaving their lips touching- together. But neither party turned away at the kiss, but instead they let it blend as the rain fell down.

As another large clash fell, Len held his sister closer, deepening the kiss. Her slight trembling had soon ended in the embrace of her brother.

But alas, air was just as important as the moment.

They both had parted and continued to look into one another's eyes. Unspoken words floated between the two in silent communication. For Rin, she had finally gotten to claim him. And for Len, he was finally able to know.

Len- you protect me like a knight with his dearest princess.  
Rin- You've been renewed like the angel in the snow.  
Together, we are combined like the Gemini star.  
And while there might be 1000 ways to burn and die, there is still on great way to live.

* * *

**It's finally freaking done! =D  
Well, not really. There's going to be one last chapter, and it will take me a while to make it. I got burned out writing this chapter. 8200 WORDS BABY!**

**=o and I need to advertise something.  
My friend made a story that she wants to share, so follow the link!**

fanfiction(DOT)net/s/6524186/1/

**And please read my new one shot. =D It's rated M for gore description, but that's it.  
**


	12. Epilogue and New Beginnings

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAGAMINE TWINS. WE ALL LOVE YOU! =D**

**

* * *

****Just a few questions before the final chapter of this story is posted. Please, review (since I got so little during chapter 11) and tell me what you think. I mean it. I will write no more stories and will jump off a building like Rin had done if I get little reviews! And sorry the chapter was so short, but think about how LONG chapter eleven was!  
**

**1. Should I delete the story of "Observing Unseen Love?" And should I start it over, this time without Miko?  
2. What did you think of this story? What should I improve for next time?  
3. Does anyone read my oneshots anymore?  
4. If I am to make another fanfiction, who should the vocaloid characters be? And what kind of genre? Angst? Horror? Romance?**

* * *

A young girl sighed, content in her sleep, as the night started to disappear from its last few hours. The sun was due to shine in an hour or so on the end of this February night, yet she was too sucked into sleep to even notice the awakening of this new day.

The covers were messy and wrapped around her in a bundle as her blonde hair scattered all over the white pillow and her face, leaving a few knots and tangles behind. A small bit of drool escaped her lips as her dreams wandered freely in her mind.

For once so far in this small, insignificant life of hers, she was able to be truly and completely happy. She was able to be loved, and loved in return.

And beside her was another person similar to her in so many ways, despite the difference of gender. His body sat up as he continued to remain awake, propped up by the elbow. His free hand ran through the girl's soft blonde locks so similar to his own, brushing the loose ends from her face. A smirk found its way across his expression as he looked at the girl that lay asleep beside him.

Because, in his mind, it took him so damn long to realize how beautiful and perfect she was.

Of course this relationship wasn't going to go easily for them- it was incestuous, to be straight out about it. Heck, it wasn't even legal or allowed in society... except for France. But that night, in the rain, when both had admitted to each other, no matter how cliche, it didn't matter to either one of them.

* * *

_The rain still continued to pelt down on this night of love, but it still didn't bother the people under the cloudy sky, whom sat in the park. One being the sister and the younger one in the set of twins, Rin. The other, her brother, her knight, and now her lover by words unspoken, Len._

_Each started to stare into one another's eyes, thinking of unspoken words that the other already knew. Three, very important words that can be the only way to express this feeling of the heart, and yet it was never enough. Eight letters, three words, one meaning. I love you._

_"Rin," the blonde brother broke the silence, staring into the eyes of the person he was committing this sin with. In response, the sister looked up to her older twin's identical eyes, holding nothing but honesty and the same feelings of innocent attraction that was shared between the two._

_"Len," her voice echoed back, without a single waver in her voice or the single hint of doubt. Both knew- the siblings by blood were both ready to accept this burden. Because if heaven was to be so cruel as to let them be born from the same mother and father, they would ignore the rules and spit in heaven's face._

_Because, in the end, maybe they would have never met one another if they had never been together from the beginning. And even before then._

_Slowly, at a pace and without any hesitation stopping either party, the distance between them came to a close as their lips met. The attraction was mutual- no power or fight for dominance in this simple kiss. Just passion that would not be explained in the means of words. A single kiss that let out all their emotions at once. The anger and the angst, the happiness and relief of everything going in their favor towards the end of the journey._

_After all, isn't this all just a journey we must venture through?_

_His hands holding her around her waist. Her arms wrapped around and behind his neck. Each in the embrace of the other. Both the brother and the sister- no; the boy and the girl- resting in each others warmth and care. Not caring about the world and its list of shunned actions. Not caring about the cold rain that continued to fall around them as the silence echoed on._

_The kiss grew deeper as they continued to melt into one another, trying to make each other one. Rin clung to her lover as if this was all a dream, as the many times before her. As if she would wake up, and only see him run off blindly with her teal haired enemy, leaving her behind- as the many times before her._

_But Len only held her closer to him, as if trying to meld them into one soul and one being, as if being two was not enough. Their tongues slipped out of their lips, mingling and mixing with each other, sending sparks of passion up and down each other's bodies._

_Even as the sun must set, however, they once again had to part._

_A small string of saliva still hung between the two, still slightly connecting their lips together. Both blondes panted tiredly, trying to catch their breaths as their faces remained red. Their arms relaxed their grip slightly._

_Thunder and lighting mixed together nearby, rumbling and roaring like Zeus's anger. It lit up the entire park in a flash of white and led Rin clinging to Len. His hands ran through her soaking wet hair as he held her close- she trembling in his arms. Another flash lit up before all became the same rain-destroying silence as from before._

_She became calm in a few minutes as he puller her away, smiling softly as he looked into her eyes, speaking with a voice of silk. "We better go home. Mother's probably worried,"_

_She nodded in response._

_No other words were spoken. But that didn't matter, because they knew what each other meant. They both knew what the other was feeling. Twin telepathy or just love, it didn't matter._

_Because, no matter what, they were connected. Like the princess and her knight, or maybe the angel in her snow._

* * *

Or the Gemini star, Len had thought in his mind.

Being lost in his thoughts, he didn't see the similar looking blonde laying next to him looking at him with a quizzical expression on a half-asleep face. Her hand rubbed her eyes as she slowly started to become more aware and awake, letting a small yawn escape her lips. "What are you thinking about?" she asked.

The blonde male looked back at his sister and lover, smiling as she asked her question. His hand ruffled her hair as she grumbled, flailing her arms to try and protect her previous-messy hair. Len tried to hold back a chuckle as he made a fake pout.

"So, I can't allowed to play with your beautiful hair?" He asked in an child's accusing tone.

"Don't give me that," Rin pouted, sitting up and crossing her arms.

"What am I doing?" Len countered, asking innocently. His only fault was the heart-melting smirk that radiated from his face, leaving a very swooned Rinny with her heart fluttering and fighting to make a comeback. Luckily, she was a very strong and enduring girl.

"None of those flattering comments are going to help you," Her blue eyes narrowed, glaring. Slightly serious, mostly playing along.

He leaned close to her, having his lips just on the side of her ear. His hand found its way to her cheek, so warm with a blush. She could feel his warm breath as he spoke, sending so many chills down her spine. "why must you be so difficult, Rinny?"

She could come up with no reply. She was too lost- to melted and to warm in the face to do anything. However, as the sun's rays started to fill the room, and as the unwelcoming noise of the alarm clock started to fill the room, Len slowly removed himself from her and started to climb out of bed, but not before giving his beloved one single kiss on the forehead. His feet started walking as he headed towards the door, ready to head into his room.

After all, no one had known about this secret confession. And no one soon was about to know.

After the door had been shut silently, and the sound of his retreating footsteps down the hall had disappeared, Rin had allowed herself to climb out of bed and change, thinking.

"Why must school ruin everything?" she asked sadly, thinking about how great the morning was going. But that didn't bother her much. Even if the day was going to be interrupted for a while, it wasn't all too bad. After all, the night was theirs.

Rin smiled at this fact, looking out at the window to the disappearing winter. She smiled, thinking, about the time that she had started her thousand ways to die. But, she shouldn't be thinking like this. Because, in the end, Len was her one way to live.

~FIN~


End file.
